STFU Fertiles

Some infertility humor

2012-01-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

http://failblog.org/2012/01/05/dating-fails-dating-fails-i-do-not-think-that-word-means-what-you-think-it-means/?utm_source=trans&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=transglobal

Of course our version, the Princess Bride: Infertile Pregnancy test would have:
Inconceivable
and
I do not think those two lines mean what you think they mean. (buy another test and check again!)

Fertile is as Fertile Does

2011-11-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

What I love best is this quote:
The pair have been enjoying ‘no-strings’ relations ever since, with Joanne increasingly frustrated that she’s failed to conceive. ‘It’s obvious something’s wrong, because having had all these babies, for me not to be pregnant again by now in all this time is odd. If anyone knows how to get pregnant it’s me.’

We, of course, do not know how to get pregnant. I get that you can't always support your family financially, but, maybe she could consider supporting them emotionally so they don't need to go out and build their own family in order to feel validated as human beings.

Unimportant

2011-10-03T12:40:00.001-07:00

So for any non-mothers out there, you just keep feeling worthless and unimportant, because you are. Because mothers are always important.

PS: To hell with everyone else.

Trophy Child

2011-09-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

I was just reading another blog and one of the posters referred to her new pregnancy as a "fuck trophy." I get that she's trying not to be an entitlement parent who reveres the child as the second coming; but this is FAIL. If you don't appreciate your "trophy," why don't you give it up to someone who will?

If anyone used that term in front of me, I would let them have it with both barrels. It is a supremely insulting and dismissive way to refer to a child. I keep trying to see the humor in the term and failing. For those of us who would do anything to be awarded, "the fuck trophy," as she put it, it's extremely aggravating to see a pregnancy dismissed so thoughtlessly.

Here's a clue, honey. You didn't get pregnant because you did something right that deserved an award, (as a trophy would imply), you didn't get pregnant because your love is so special and magical. You got lucky. Whether you appreciate it or not, you got lucky. That's why pregnancy is called a gift, not an award, because it isn't merit-based, or deserved, or earned. It's given. Appreciate what you've been given, because many people aren't given what you have. Many people do have to earn it or buy it, with monitoring, and charting, and proving their worth to a social worker, and spending money like water. And, newsflash, they don't refer to it nearly as dismissively because they appreciate what they went through to get it.

Baby Gag(a)

2011-08-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

I know this has come up before, but fertiles need to quit with the weekly facebook spam "Baby Gaga." Personal updates are fine, but if anyone was truly concerned about where (approximately) your baby might be on the baby developmental calendars (and btw, no one is except the mother and her OB really care) we could look it up our own damn selves.

For those of you who haven't seen it, it looks more or less like this:

Bad enough to endure pictures of your expanding belly, your positive HPT, your ultrasounds, your...blah, blah, blah, but then to also have to endure this? That's beyond sharing your joy with your friends, that's rubbing their noses in it. STFU.

Happy Momiversary to me!

2011-07-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm actually okay with the birthday posts. I'm even okay with the child milestones, "Jaden is 3 months young today! GiggleSquee! I'm just as happy as if I had good sense." but I have absolutely had it with the random momiversary posts.

You know what? You can wait until the 22 hours are up, TOMORROW and post a happy birthday message to your child, who can't read it.

Wow. That was random. Thanks for sharing. It's not even a perfect one year anniversary. It's just another excuse to post a belly pic* that you probably posted at the time. Yea! And the best part is how its then couched in the traditional cry of summer pregnant women everywhere: so glad I'm not like those pregnate momma's [sic] (anymore) who have to be pregnant in the summer.

I know I've said it before, but if it meant walking away with a healthy baby, I'd sit an oven for 9 months.

*I've thoughtfully omitted the belly shots from both posts. Bad enough seeing it the first time.

Postpardumb

2011-07-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

It's postpartum. I know you're too freaking depressed to figure out how to spell, but maybe you're not so depressed that you can figure out that the internet is not your personal therapist and maybe, if you really do have "post-pardum" depression, it might be time to see a professional. You know what, go anyway, if you're fine, they'll tell you so and send you home. And if you're depressed, does it really matter whether its postpartum, prepartum, or post Great Aunt Ruth's birthday? You still should get help if an infant is depending on you to be the sane one in the relationship.

It's my feeling that if you have to ask whether you're depressed, you probably are. STFU on the facebook and hie thee to somewhere you can actually get help.

The next post you make should be for therapist recommendations. But don't ask me, because mine specializes in infertility counseling.

One Day Not to be Pregnant

2011-07-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

This was an actual question posted on a discussion board for June 2011 moms

"If you had one day this week to not be pregnant, what would you do!?"

Needless to say most of the responses involved getting drunk...

I didn't respond...my thought was "if I suddenly wasn't pregnant this week I would be depressed for the rest of my life

Submitted by Jenny

Paper trail

2011-06-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

I was reading through a lady's blog when I happened on a post about how she thought her marriage was a piece of paper - all pristine and pretty, but was ripped in half when her husband had an affair. And now the piece of paper is 'uglified'.

Fine, whatever analogy works for you. And yeah, it totally sucks monkey balls that your husband cheated. But then she went on to say this:

Nobody is getting the “happily ever after” fairytale. They might not be dealing with affairs, maybe it is drugs or alcohol, maybe they fight all the time, maybe they can’t have a child. There are tons of things that “uglify” that perfect white piece of paper.

Maybe it's the Clomid making me super sensitive, but WHAT?!

This was my response:

While there are many things that pose a challenge in a marriage, I think not being able to have a child is different than affairs, drug/alcohol abuse or lack of communication. Our infertility struggles have not ‘uglified’ our marriage. We communicate more, and it has affirmed that we are in this together.

Also, infertility was never a choice we made. The other things you listed were choices that were consciously made.

We have viewed our infertility as a challenge that was given to us, and something that we can figure out together. If anything, our paper has been upgraded to cotton blend paper, rather than printer paper.

I could've gone so much bitchier, but I figured lady had enough issues.

Specific Birthday

2011-06-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

Some of this article is meh because it talks about how to boost fertility, but most of it just pisses me off that people are physically trying to have a child on a specific date. Lucky fucking bitches if they're able to actually accomplish their goal. I'd just like to have a child. Any day of the year. Doesn't matter.
http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/02/10/ep.conception.truths.myths/index.html

Submitted by -Lauren // whatsinlaurensuterus.blogspot.com

Nissan Commericials

2011-06-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

I would like to express my hate for the new series of Nissan commercials. The worst is the "first" one when the woman comes out waving a pregnancy test saying "It's positive!" For those of us who have been trying for ages without so much as a hint of a second pink line or "Pregnant" come up on those godforsaken tests, the whole thing is like a punch in the gut every time I see it. And what's worse, it seems to always be on during football games - wtf! I thought football games were supposed to be safe from fertiles rubbing this shit in our faces, but apparently not. Sigh.

Submitted by spicywolf47@gmail.com

Early Mornings

2011-05-31T07:45:00.000-07:00

A coworker posted a FB post complaining about her daughter getting up super early this morning. After being up with my DOG at 4:30, I responded. (Partially my own fault for even getting involved in the conversation!) Her wife felt the need to add her two cents... over.... and over.... and over....

Me: my DOG has B beat by an hour!! Of course, now she's asleep on the couch....
Her: Dogs will sleep all day though....toddlers, not so much.
Me: obviously you haven't met my dog!
Her: And you haven't met or spent a day with B. :o) She's available any time.
Me: Don't worry- we're *finally* going to have one of our own soon, so I'm sure I'll get my fill! Especially if he's anything like his daddy!
Her: Yeah, I heard. Congrats but I again offer you B if you want to practice. Can you tell mommies need a break? :o)
Me: As exhausting as it is, I'd love to have a two year old right now. :-/
Her: I hear you and you will before you know it. Goes by fast. We just don't go out...pretty much ever. We don't have a babysitter and rarely take time for us so that would be my advice....recharge when you can. oh and be grateful you don't need to do grad school full time (or work) while being a full-time parent. I look pretty ragged most of the time. It's not pretty.
Me: Once again, I think I'd take it over four years of infertility, ten medicated cycles, four losses, uterine surgery and four early pregnancy months full of panic attacks.
I probably shouldn't have bothered, but it made me really irritated. :(
(Note to self: Remember this conversation when my little guy is keeping me up all night.)

Submitted by Anonymous

Wanna trade??

2011-04-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

This one bears reiterating the whole story that leads up to the "STFU fertile" moment, for the full effect. So the day before my egg retrieval, I went to fill my prescriptions for medrol, tetracycline, and since I needed more prenatal vitamins, I figured I'd bring that one in, too.

I dropped the 3 prescription papers off at Walg.reens after work, around 5:15. I tend to go inside and drop off, but today there was no one in the drive-thru to my surprise! So I decided to take the lazy man's way this day. After asking me a million questions, the lady finally told me that they do not have medrol in stock...they wouldn't be able to get it for at least a week. Sorry lady, I need these for tomorrow night! And I knew I would want to come straight home after retrieval the following morning.

So being that I was at the driveup, she sent the prescription for medrol back out to me through the little box thing. (I should have begged for all of them back...you'll soon see why). She told me to use an independent pharmacy. I went to Walmart anyway....and they had it there. She told me it would be about an hour and a half on the 2 scripts she was filling. Fair enough. So I spent about 20 minutes at Walmart, then met DH on his lunch break, and went back to Walgreens, two hours past the drop-off time. When I walked up, she said "we are still filling it". In other words, they fucking forgot about me, and when I got there they decided to wake their sorry asses up and fill it. Hello people, hormonal woman here with the hcg hormone flowing through my body and I'm not even pregant (yet)!

So I wait 5 minutes...then the girl pops up and says "I couldn't fill one of these because we are out of stock." To which I reply, "I know that, I took the medrol to Walmart already". And I find out she's referring to the tetracycline!!! Says she can't get it in til Monday. Well (probably fertile) bitch, I need it before Monday! When I asked why no one told me this when I dropped the damn thing off, so I could've brought all of them to Walmart instead, she gave me some lame-ass excuse that the medrol has been on backorder, but that they didn't know about the tetracycline til now. Well, I would have loved a freaking courtesy call to tell me this!...however I know that their sorry asses didn't call because they didn't even bother trying to refill, much less check for tetracycline til I got there!!

She called the other Walgreens, across town, to see if they had tetra, and they did. So I go there--to yet a third pharmacy, you follow me?--and I go in this time. Well, big mistake...

I get helped after being ignored for the first 2 minutes I was at the counter. They filled it right away..hmph. I explain and express my aggravation over the fact that this is the THIRD pharmacy I've had to go to, and that I should've just taken all 3 of the scripts to Walmart in the first place. I mentioned that I used to fill my birth control there, but I hated that they had such short hours on Sunday..and that was the SINGLE reason that I was now at Walgreens, but was thinking about taking my business back to Walmart.

Then she said the one thing that almost sent me over the counter to punch her face.

"Oh that don't work for me. I can be on birth control on top of birth control, on top of birth control...and I still get pregnant". *cue jaw drop!*

So I said, "wow, I wish it worked that way for me...I've been OFF of it for 3 years trying to get pregnant, and still haven't." (with a sad face of course)

To which she ~~replied~~ yelled, "I GOT 5 KIDS!"

And I don't remember exactly what I said but something to the effect of, did you not just hear what I said????

So she says "we should trade!" And I walk the fuck out as fast as I can get out of there. I get in my car and cry, and say "God, what the heck?! She is complaining about the 5 kids she doesn't want, and here I am going in 12 hours to get eggs retrieved from my ovaries under anesthesia, and all I've been through. Oh, the irony" (and sadness and unfairness!!!)

And to top it all off, I get home right at 8:00. I missed the entire American Idol results show for this bullshit!!! Seriously, the 3 pharmacy runs was enough, and then at the third to have some fertile bitch tell me how she has 5 kids she doesn't want. People are so. very. ignorant.

Educate Yourself Before You Speak.

2011-04-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Seeing as the last handful of people that have commented are completely ignorant, not only about infertility, but what an infertile woman goes through when she finally after YEARS of treatment, has a miscarriage; Here is a very long (sorry) article to educated you.

Like we have said here this is OUR PLACE, go elsewhere and don't read this blog if you don't like what you see.

O.K. ...The Article:

Grief issues special to miscarriage

As we women regard our foetus’ as part of ourselves, miscarriage is a complex grief that leaves us particularly vulnerable and involves a number of other potential significant losses and additional suffering which is not necessarily present with other types of bereavement, except a stillbirth which is a similar loss occurring after 20 weeks. Not only have we lost our baby, we are suffering from the effects of both a birth and a death. Miscarriage is unique (unless someone has disappeared) in that we have very little remains to bury, sometimes because no baby has formed properly or it is unfortunately passed when using the toilet. When this happens, or even with a later miscarriage and an identifiable little body, our loss can be minimised and invalidated by others, which leads us to question our feelings of grief. However, unrecognised or not, it is the strength of the bond with our baby not the length of the pregnancy that determines the depth of our grief. This mothering bond can have begun to form as early as us playing with our dolls as little girls, so our grief is a normal reaction to a broken bond. For recurrent miscarriers, the grief can be compounded by earlier losses.

A funeral normally gives people their cue of how to behave appropriately with protocols to follow and when there isn't one others are often at a loss themselves and may not even realise we are grieving. This adds to our stress as we can then feel we need to explain this, whereas with a still-birth or loss of a child, everyone is aware of the devastation and expects us to grieve. People may not want to talk about what has happened perhaps because of their discomfort with the issue of death, and it's the only thing we can think of. This leaves us open to well meaning platitudes or disbelief that we are grieving. (For people who have no experience of miscarriage, perhaps recommend they look up our seven things ‘To say and do’ and also ‘Not say and do’.)

Because miscarriage is such an ambiguous loss, the other losses along with it are more difficult to explain unless the person has had a miscarriage themselves, which is why talking to someone who has had one, can offer the most comfort and empathy. This can be a grandmother, mother, sister, friend, medical professional and even sometimes, unexpectedly, a woman who is perhaps only an acquaintance or even a stranger (as on a bulletin board) because they understand the feelings and possible losses involved like -

the loss and the feeling of being cheated of the joyful experience of pregnancy and birth and possibly future ones and also the festivities around that
the loss of our dreams for this child and the future our family would have had together - we had made plans for life
the loss of being able to call ourselves a mother (if no previous pregnancies)
the loss of access to successful womanhood (in our own or others eyes)
the loss of trust in the body we feel has betrayed us
the actual physical loss and the fear that can be felt from the amount of blood passed
the confusion and dismay when experiencing a 'blighted ovum' when there is only an empty sac
the loss of innocence for future pregnancies
the loss of the belief system we didn't even necessarily recognise we held that says "this won't happen to me"
the loss of our basic trust in life and the insecurity of a less predictable world
the loss of control over our expectations of life
the loss of the achievement of a goal we had set for ourselves (this may not have been experienced before)
the loss of self-confidence
the loss of control of our feelings
the threat of loss of our identity
the failure to reproduce when the body is giving monthly signals of fertility
the illogical but real sense of shame, guilt or embarrassment
the worries or fears that this amount of grief (over what is often seen as a minor blip in life) cannot be normal
the feeling we should hide our loss and not talk about it as others think we are over-reacting
to be unable to do what other women seem easily able to do as a 'natural part of life' and our jealousy and anger of that
the loss or change in relationships (sometimes permanently) as we experience others lack of understanding and the isolation and loneliness this causes
dealing with others' inappropriate comments, some with the best of intentions
dealing with the thoughtless attitude of others, who have children without experiencing problems, which can be complacent, smug or pitying (perhaps unintentionally)
dealing with our feelings over others' pregnancies (relatives being even more difficult), especially when they are due around the time we would have been and then later their new babies
our strong reaction when we observe children being mistreated, feeling how precious they would be to us
the 'what ifs’ or 'if onlys’ that may result from us not even knowing we were pregnant
the thought that we didn’t love our baby enough to keep it alive
the thought that we have somehow killed our baby, or we did something wrong
the longing for our baby not to be taken away with a D&C even when we know he or she is dead
the difficulty in understanding how hard it is to miss someone we have never met
the difficulty adjusting back to normal life again, missing not having to be consciously aware of things that may affect our baby; like what we eat or drink and the limitations we may have put on physical movement
the loss of our last chance of having a child because of our age
the loss of our last chance to conceive because of the inability to pay or be eligible for further IVF treatment
the feeling we have let our partner/others down
the guilt and confusion if we have previously had an abortion
the sometimes harsh judgments we make about ourselves
the little anticipation of grieving when the miscarriage happens very suddenly with no warning
the pain of not knowing the baby's sex
the pain of not ever knowing the cause of loss
miscarriage is a grief with no picture memories and so few others
continuing to grieve for what might have been - all those possibilities
the realisation of the price paid preparing to become a mother and the fear that we may have to experience the same loss again
the subsequent anxiety felt for the physical safety of our children when or if they are born

Living in a world where science has overcome many things, and especially in the health area, the parents-to-be can be shocked and dismayed to find that there are no straight-forward answers to miscarriage from the health professionals. Sometimes their pragmatic attitude to miscarriage can be very hurtful. Using insensitive language and referring to the baby as ‘clots’, ‘tissue’, ‘products’, ‘foetus’, ‘termination’ and their use of the medical term ‘abortion’ in conjunction with a ‘miscarriage’ seems harsh and judge-mental to us. A miscarriage can be seen as a minor medical occurrence by them and the grief that it can generate is not always understood. We have found that women heal more quickly when they experience an understanding and empathetic attitude from their medical LMC.

In this century with the expectation of ‘instant everything’ and ‘women can do it!’ along with perhaps not experiencing any one's death previously, there is also not the sense of acceptance and resignation of life's realities as in other times, which could help with the acceptance of loss.
It is a basic function inherent in all human beings to reproduce so it is normal to have strong feelings about sex, pregnancy and birth and an innate mothering instinct that sometimes can be beyond reason and control. It is a natural part of living and no shame or embarrassment should be attached to how we feel after the loss of a baby at whatever stage of their development. As women (certainly in New Zealand) now have their children later, average age 30 years, and their genetic signals intensify, they become aware of their biological clock ticking (DEL), so their reaction to loss can be stronger.

Women are born with about 2 million eggs although only about 400 of these will be released in our lifetime. Something many women are not aware of is that, the perfection of these eggs decreases with a woman's age beginning at approximately 27 and from 35 years on, the rate of decline accelerates. This leads to a higher rate of pregnancy loss and can also create problems even if the baby is carried to full term. Women can feel pressured (by themselves or others) to try again quickly, often not taking the time to allow the grief from their miscarriage to pass (3 to 6 months is a guideline). This can have consequences such as partnership stress and/or post-natal depression later following a successful pregnancy.

Women are always looking for answers to 'why' and, although there are reasons, they do not usually find out what they are, so miscarriage grief is not so much about finding the answer they yearn for, as learning how to live without one.

*******

So when all you with children complain about stupid shit, basically whining because, uh-oh, you just now realized your child will ALWAYS BE THERE and want to follow you places, Just shut up and be thankful for that precious miracle.

(and I am NOT the only one who posts here, so stop attacking ME. STFU.)

Oh How Inconvenient...

2011-04-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

So, one of the military bloggers I follow posted this today:

"The Joys Of Mommyhood"

"What is the one thing you miss doing before having a Baby?

I miss using the bathroom in peace.

Sorry Mommy isn't going to put you on my lap while I pee. Just isn't going to happen."

***********

Nice, right? Here is what I left as a comment:

"I'd let my Harrison sit on my shoulders while I pee, if he had survived the pregnancy. "

(I am still the only commenter too)

Facebook WTF moment!

2011-04-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

I wasn't going to post this here, but I decided to link back to my blog post about a conversation I had on facebook chat with a "fertile" that I went to high school with.

http://infertilityinanutshell.blogspot.com/2011/03/facebook-wtf-moment.html

It's very long, but you will be shocked by some of the things she says. (or not...most of you have probably heard it all by now) I had to, of course, interject about things I would have LIKED to say but they would have been really cut-throat.

Enjoy...

A new form of breeder insults...

2011-03-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

We have been TTC for a WHILE. Needless to say I have had my share of "it'll happen" & "have you considered adoption" (ETC.) comments. It gets old. Instead of taking the high road I have decided to be bitter and unforgiving about IF-related naive and insulting comments and questions. If someone "doesn't know what to say" then they should keep their mouth shut. Period.

My best tactic thus far has been planning responses to the standard questions so I can be prepared for future comments. For example: the next time someone asks me "Have you considered adoption?" I plan to respond with, "Have YOU considered adoption?" My reasoning for this question is because most breeders would never consider adoption. If I ask them if they have considered it and if they even try to make a comment about why would they need to consider adoption...oh they are MINE!
(1) Why is adoption OK for me to consider but not good enough for you to consider?
(2) Adoption is a very VERY personal decision for each person and couple... etc. etc. etc.

I also have many sarcastic comments for many questions along the lines of "when are you going to have kids." I thought I was good to go! But Monday, I was thrown off my game and I am now searching for responses to new IF-related naive and insulting questions.

(Back Story) In this very long and hard journey we have discovered that I have stage 4 endometriosis, which they could not prove to be the cause of my infertility. Great. So what is it?

I recently decided to go gluten free which has not only helped my endometriosis and made me feel so much better, but it has also given me a tiny sliver of hope back...

See 2 weeks ago I had an endometrial biopsy done to check my lining. This test checks for a Beta-3 Integrin, a protein that should be in every uterine lining. It makes the lining sticky for implantation. This was the first time I have come across a test where a negative test result is not always a good thing. My lining does NOT have the Beta-3 integrins. I now have to get a shot of Lupron to shut down my cycles for 3 months (aka menopause) with the hope that when my cycles "reboot" (yes, like a computer - either that or jump start like a car, which was my mom's favorite) *hopefully* my body will begin making the protein.

Needless to say this was quite a blow. It will be hard but I am dealing with it. I feel better now and, like I said before, I have a bit more hope in being able to control my diet. Just like the shot, I am hoping controlling the endometriosis through my diet will work.

When I shared this earlier this week with co-workers Amber and Ashley. I did NOT share the "pity party" part, just the test results and changing my diet part. After all we were on our way out to lunch so I felt the need to share. Also, I do have an issue I think with sharing too much information sometimes. But anyway, at lunch Amber proceeds to tell me that there is just no way they would be able to help me right now. Maybe a few years ago, but pregnancy is just not something she wants to deal with right now (as in being my surrogate, you know since my lining is messed up...pause for reaction). Ashley agrees and in fact, Ashley would not even want to be pregnant with her own child right now. Having another child right now would likely cause Ashley to go into depression because that's just not where she wants to be right now.
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.
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.
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OK hopefully you have had time to digest that some. In all honesty I do not care at all if Ashley has more kids, doesn't have more kids, doesn't want to have more kids. It's her life, whatever. BUT the timing of that comment pissed me off. Amber and Ashley went out of their way to offer telling me that they are not willing to help me with something that I did not even ask them to help me with in the first place. What makes them think they are so special that I would want to ask or even consider asking them to be my surrogate? That is quite presumptuous, insulting and it pissed me off.

Regardless of my recent test result, my husband and I have not even discussed something like that yet. We are not there. We are not done trying. I am so tired of people offering worthless *advise* to "lighten the mood" because they are uncomfortable. I do not care if they are uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Try living it, believe me that's worse than being uncomfortable about taking about it.

Anyway, thank you all for allowing me to rant and vent! Now apparently I need responses to comments offering to reject being my surrogate without my even asking. Suggestions welcome.

**The names have been changed to protect the guilty**

Just Relax

2011-03-20T06:24:00.000-07:00

Found this article the other day about how being under stress makes
you more likely to have a successful IVF, I'm sure its BS but it made
me laugh. The next time a fertile trys to tell me to "just relax" I'm
going to tell them to "just shove it" and read this article.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1325492/IVF-successful-women-stressed.html

Submitted by Lindsay

Building a Baby

2011-03-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

i am 31 and have been trying to conceive for 6 months, which is no time at all, i know. Even though i've always really wanted children, being the stability needing Taurus that i am i waited until i had all my ducks in a row before i entertained the idea of ttc - university, stable job, house, husband....you get the picture.

i work with a woman whom i also considered a good friend. We vacationed together, she came to my (destination) wedding, we sought each other out for advice and to talk about our personal lives. She is a couple years older than me and has a 14 year old and a 9 year old each from different fathers. She conceived both while on birth control. She swore up and down that she did not want any more children. i was married in August of this year an immediately began ttc. Shortly before she was dating two men - her future fiance and her ex/father of her first child who in the past had beat her to a pulp and then was later incarcerated for the rape of another woman. She got engaged in the fall. At the time she had a IUD that had been in way too long and, because of a recent car accident, was causing her to hemorrhage. After that she went on a month of birth control and then also began ttc (while drinking a bottle of wine every night).

In December we have a Christmas fun night (i'm a teacher). The day before i had got my period and was quite upset. She witnessed this first hand and played the part of consoling friend. Even though it was only cycle 5, my husband is in the military and was being sent thousands of kilometres away for training for 6 months in January. Anyhow, she decided it would be a good idea to corner me at this function and abruptly announce "i'm pregnant, you know". i was instantly in tears. She kept talking and talking...don't worry, you will be pregnant, you ovulate, it's just my body i'm so fertile, it's my chance to have a child in a loving relationship. i'm not known for having much of a filter and i said " You already have two. And you didn't even want another child". Not real gracious, i know. However it was said out of pain, not malice. When i got home i had an uppity facebook message waiting for me about how i'm so self absorbed and hurtful and her being pregnant isn't about me...it was a doozy. Needless to say i did not reply, although i was tempted to say "Thanks for kicking me while i was down. Go to hell."

The next day at work another woman who works closely with us and has also been ttc for 2 years (she's in the process of IVF) told me that Princess Fertile has been telling her all about her pregnancy symptoms. Over the next several weeks she continued to loudly complain in our presence about how she couldn't button her pants, how her boobs were so heavy, and trot around smug as a bug (while pushing her stomach out, mind you). The best by far is when she showed up late and said to the woman proceeding with IVF that she had to pull over to be sick twice and to cut her some slack because she's "building a baby".

You think you know someone...

i do however want to stress that even though i feel sad that i'm not yet pregnant i mean no disrespect to those that have been LTTTC. i can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be and i admire the wit and strength of those that contribute to the website/blogs. What makes me the most upset about the whole situation is that she's rubbing our LTTTC coworker's face in it.

Submitted by Anonymous

Facebook Fertile

2011-03-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

A friend on facebook had an interesting status today. The poor girl hasn't conceived for a whole 3 months. I'm so sad for her. It must be devastating to wait that long. I've only been waiting 4 years. Also, maybe if she relaxes and has lots of sex, it will happen. Sheesh. I didn't think of that. See below.

A friend wrote on facebook: wish things always went how I wanted them to. Third time's a charm?

Comments: Baby making? Carson probably would like a little brother or sister to play with. :)

Friend: Yep, this will be the third month since going off the pill. We conceived right away with Carson, so things aren't going like I thought they would. Perhaps I will get an awesome bday gift next month?? :) We shall see!

Comment: That's exciting. Have you been taking prenatals?
Sometimes they say if a person relaxes it will happen. :)
Same with having sex every other day or every two days.
But every book and website about conceiving...has their own idea about the baby ...making process.
I hope this month is the month that it happens for you too. Good luck

Friend: I take a multi-vitamin daily (usually). I've received a lot (thanks Terri) of helpful tips to conceive. lol I figure, it happend once, it'll happen again. Also, the longer it takes, the more time I'll have for maternity leave! :)

Submitted by Anonymous

Are you serious??

2011-03-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

The Hubs and I have recently decided to re-start treatment. IVF cycles are always super stressful
for me, because I am an anal retentive psychopath (hey, at least I'm aware of it). I must control
everything, and part of that is to concentrate on the cycle at hand, and (theoretically) not the
children I don't have.

Two days ago I checked the mail, only to find this...

(Seriously, of all the things to have to get. Let's not even discuss the damn 'accidental' sentence,
'Parents spread the love.' Shit.)

Someone subscribed me to this godforsaken magazine. Either someone's attempt to be supportive
was reallllllyyyyy misguided, or someone is a mean-spirited douchebag.

For the record, I also get 'American Baby.' What. The. Hell?

Either way, shitty thing to do, shitty thing to deal with right now.

- T_Lee Mama T's Madcap Misadventures in Life and Babymaking

The Best Job in the World

2011-03-07T06:57:00.000-08:00

So i have attached the picture of a FB post of a friend of mine. Here's my story:

Maybe if I wasn't a 30 year old Highly emotional Infertile (without kids) this wouldn't bother me but they are comparing

being a mom to and exorcist and a barista! really?... Not Cool! in any form!

Personally I believe there is not a Job on this planet comparable to being a mom!

"Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain, but you can't make a rainbow without a little rain."

-Anonymous

<3 Infertile in Mesa

My life as a mother

2011-03-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

From a "friend" who went through IVF to get pregnant. How soon they forget...

Yes..my FB statuses will now mostly revolve around my life as a mother and my twins. If you don't like it, delete me.

and 26 others like this.
- LMAO! someone complained!!!
  5 hours ago ·
- Who would give you crap about that?
  5 hours ago ·
- Just a heads up ;)
  5 hours ago ·
- Totally agree being moms are our life!!! I love posting the funny stuff Edyn does
  5 hours ago ·
- I understand that! What else is there to talk about then our beautiful children!
  5 hours ago ·
- C ya! Lol
  5 hours ago via Facebook Mobile ·
- Ummm really?! I cant believe someone would dare to complain about that!
  5 hours ago ·
- I'm with u autumn! I hardly remember what life was like before I had a baby, n he's only 9 months! Keep posting pics of those beautiful baby girls and continue speaking ur mind!!!
  4 hours ago ·
- I agree!! It's truly a blessing to have a baby and it is so awesome! So glad that I have FB to make me feel like I'm a normal mother!!
  3 hours ago ·
- Amen Sister!
  2 hours ago ·

Okay seriously, WTF?

2011-02-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

My DH's cousin posted this status today on FB:

I'm asking y'all because I don't use them but it's time because I don't want to be a dad right now!! All my friends are having kids and I don't want one right now!! So girls or guys what are the best condoms out there!! Girls can respond because y'all know how it is!!!

I'm glad he actually wants to prevent, but aside from this being creepy to see on facebook, it just made me cringe that "all [his] friends are having kids". Why are these little pricks who are young and naive and sleeping around sooooo fucking fertile and my DH and I have been throwing a shit ton of money at doctors for the past 2 years, doing everything under the sun, and still haven't gotten pregnant???

I also had this thought: "he just ASSUMES that if he has unprotected sex he's going to get a girl knocked up so easily just because all his friends are. Yeah, 2 years ago I had those same feelings that it wouldn't be that difficult to get pregnant...after all, everyone was popping up pregnant." I realize that it's a stupid thought because it's very normal for someone who's not ready for children to do everything possible to prevent a pregnancy....but because of my stupid ass infertility, this was one of the thoughts that crossed my mind and I wanted to share just how ridiculous this crap has got me thinking now.

I know this is just the same story as we always see, and the same complaints we all have about how messed up the world is....but I had to post and get that off my chest.

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

2011-02-23T11:18:00.000-08:00

This was posted as a note on fb by a girl I went to HS with. She had her kids very shortly after we graduated. I normally don't have a big issue with her but had to repost this for all of you. I didn't respond to it but even though I'm now 19weeks pregnant I still spend every day in terror that it will all be taken away from me and that I will never get to experience any of the things mentioned in this "joke". Comments in italic are my personal thoughts...and let me start by saying that it's really annoying to assume that if you don't have kids you must NEVER have been exposed to them before and have NO CLUE what you're in for...

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Did you think kids didn't need food?

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Thanks I will enjoy making you feel a fraction of the lack of confidence I feel thanks to infertility.
Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
I guess I can "sort of" give them this one...though (and call me delusion infertile if you must) if you child is waking up that often at 3-5 years old it may be time to see what the cause is...

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
meh...whatever

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.
this one just made me laugh cause all I could picture was the octopus lol. P.S. I've dressed children before...it's not THAT complicated.
Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
I don't have kids and I still can't afford a BMW...nor is my little Kia spotless.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
that last line is just plain ridiculous and offensive...I would love to see parents try this experiment and tell me it's the same as their human child...if they can't succeed should their children be taken away from them?

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Again, I've fed babies before...it's nothing like this
Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
I already know these.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
fine I'll give them this one...only because that's the kind of kid I was...but I'd still give anything to hear mommy repeatedly than to never hear it in my life.
Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
same response as lesson 10...
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!
I didn't laugh (ok except at that octopus image lol)

You don't have kids

2011-02-21T06:14:00.000-08:00

I went to a parade of Christmas lights, an event aimed at children, as it ended with Santa. I went with my friend's family, which includes her 3.5 y/o son. It was a cold night and we all agreed that maybe we'd sit this one out next year, and just watch from home. Another friend of mine commented on FB that her family planned to make it their annual family tradition. When I shared with her our thoughts on the parade, her reply was, "Erin-you don't have kids yet haha." I kept my reply tactful, just saying, "No, I went with my friend and her 3.5 y/o, so I got the parent perspective." I unleashed on Twitter, however, "And ty very much to the 'friend' who pointed out the obvious: "Erin, you don't have kids." #STFUFertiles"

Erin

http://everybranch.blogspot.com

Horrific Conversation

2011-02-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

There is a group that is hoping to bring a petition to my provincial government to ask that IVF be government-funded. I joined a facebook group about it. I made it very clear on my wall when I joined that if you didn't agree, there was no need to join or comment. If you did agree, well, you could join. Or not. 100% totally up to you.

As a caveat: IVF will never help me, because I have a malformed uterus that would never support a pregnancy, as well as blocked tubes and PCOS. My only options for becoming a mother would be surrogacy or adoption, both of which are too costly for us to even consider. My heart breaks everytime I think of this, so maybe I'm a little over-sensitive.

I have a friend who lives in Australia (where, incidentally, from what I know (correct me if I'm wrong), IVF is funded by the government). She has always made it clear that she didn't want to have kids. I have many friends who are "childfree by choice" and I think that's a great choice to make - if you're not interested in having kids, don't have them.

She popped up on my messenger this morning, and this is the conversation that ensued. Whether you agree with me, or with her, or with no one at all... basically this conversation made me feel like shit.

Friend
me ask you something
Me
ok
Friend
now you know i love you right
Friend
but
you are an idiot lol
why should the govt pay for fertility treatment?
Me
gee thanks?
and
Why should they not?
Friend
splain in 100 words or more
Me
You first
Friend
ok - for one i is tax dollars - those dollars should go into schooling, funding for roads, funding for mental health, funding for childrens services, funding for health care etc - not to populate an already overpopulated world - but I am not a kid friendly person
so why should they fund it?
Me
I can see that point and I agree that tax dollars should go to those things.
And I ask you to see that there's another side as well
People are not going to decide, if they're infertile, to just not have kids. they're going to keep trying.
adoption isn't always a possibility
in most cases it's actually more expensive than fertility treatments
which are expensive
so
If the government were to subsidize, people wouldn't be implanting 5 or six embryos at a time because it's too expensive to have more than one treatment
Friend
ok so why not make adoption easier?
Me
I agree with you there
Friend
why not fight for that
Me
How do you know I'm not?
Friend
cause i havent seen an fb group for it
Me
aaah, well that explains everything. my entire life is on my fb wall after all.
Friend
duh
i dunno what i would do in your situation - i don't wanna have kids etc but atm i reckon that if i couldnt have kids I would just adopt it's that easy
Me
Hopefully adoption in Australia is easier/cheaper than in Canada
Friend
im moving to the uk lol
Me
There too then
Friend
go to the US - they seem to adopt everyone
Me
Heh. If only it were that easy.
Friend
cultural vacuum cleaners
Me
I'm never going to have kids, whether or not this goes through. It would still not be physically possible for me. Adoption is also not an option for us at this point because of the expense. The way that things are right now, IVF and adoption cost about the same (actually IVF can be
an average of $10000 per attempt, and adoption can be twice that depending on what route you go).
Maybe the government funding IVF would just make it so that it costs less, not that it's free. I don't know.
I do think that people should have the chance to try. It wouldn't be like, five hundred attempts all funded by the government, and thousands of octomoms running around willy nilly.
It would have to be be regulated - all gov't stuff is - two or three attempts, fewer embryos transferred, less chance of triplets/quads/quints etc., less necessity for tax dollars to pay for hospitalization.
Friend
so why not just ban it - it's creepy
no more doctors messing with nature
no more me having to pay for other peoples' choices
Me
That's not going to happen, and I don't see "it's creepy" as being a reason to ban something.
Like it or not, the Canadian public is already paying for it. People decide to do IVF but can only afford one round - so they have the doctor transfer more embryos because the more embryos in there the higher chance of getting pregnant. Then, because healthcare is gov't funded here, taxpayers are paying to support complicated pregnancies with multiple births. We're supporting putting these babies into intensive-care units at $5,000 a day for weeks and we are covering the health-care costs of babies born with disabilities because they were born early because they were one of three, four, five, six... from the time they're born through their entire lives. I'm not saying that this shouldn't be covered -but when you consider the avg. stay in the nicu for a preemie is two weeks, that's $70 000 per child.
Me
In Finland and the Netherlands they limit the number of embryos transferred, and studies have shown that that produces a healthier population and saves millions of dollars on healthcare in the long run. So the whole "tax dollars" thing doesn't really hold true.
Friend
why raise the population? I mean look - i also think we shouldnt give aid to foreign counries lol - i am a bit of a rebel
Me
Well, unless you're going to tell fertile people "Sorry, no kids for you either."
and if you are, good luck with that
Friend
yea well i have no prob with a 2 kid limit
that way you arent producing more than you are
if you want more - just adopt em!!! Simple
Me
So let people have their two children via IVF, or make adoption costs less prohibitive.
Okay, I'm not trying to cut this off but I have an appointment and I'm going to be late. Can we talk later?

She didn't answer, so I assumed she'd left the computer or something, and I left for my appointment. I left my messenger on, though, because I'm forgetful. When I got back, I saw that 15 minutes after my last message, she'd put this in:

Friend
imo if you cant concieve you werent meant to. your genes weren't meant to mix with the other person's genes and you should accept it not go fucking around creating frankenbabies and ruining the earth.

Submiited by: http://www.jeezlouise.net/

"Add as Friend" Facebook FAIL

2011-02-17T05:55:00.000-08:00

A Twitter friend and fellow IFer Al shared this with us on Twitter a week or so ago:

My obnoxious fertile friend's unborn baby's facebook profile has 82 friends. I'm not one of them.

Uhm WHAT?!?!

There is NO WAY I would be one of them either!

It's just a bit much for me, honestly.

Sharing at this now is perfect timing to also share this post about FB pregnancy announcements, or this follow up post about comments received. Facebook is such pain in the arse!

Did you hear the one about the...

2011-02-15T08:31:00.000-08:00

..."fertile" who got her tubes tied but then remarried and decided to do IVF with new husband so they could have a baby?

I never got to tell this story, but when I was undergoing IVF #1...one of my u/s appointments was of the "cattle-herding" variety. Got stuck in a little room waiting for the bloodwork with 1 other girl, and then another room waiting for the u/s with that same girl and a few others. Well apparently she was feeling chatty and started asking about why they have us in the little room, etc. I tell her that it's my first IVF but I'd heard about these weekend and holiday appointments. She starts asking me about my situation, and I offer up a little bit of my story (almost 2 years TTC #1 at the time, 4 IUI's all BFN). That's when she pipes up, "Well I'm very very fertile, which is why I had my tubes tied after I had my first 3 kids. Now I'm remarried and he wants kids so we have to do IVF. But I'm very fertile so the doctor said it should work the first time. Luckily, my husband has great insurance through work that covers part of IVF."

Umm....are you KIDDING ME??? I could see all the glaring, glowing eyes in the room, pointed at this woman (including my own). I seriously couldn't believe that these words had come out of her mouth. Not only do you tell me you're super fertile, but you have to do IVF because of something YOU chose to do long ago..AND your insurance is going to cover it??? Bitch, you don't know who you're talking to, do you??!!

Shouldn't they be a source of comfort?

2011-02-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

My husband and I have been TTC for almost two years, only the last 7 months of which I've actually been ovulating on Serophene, so calculate it as you will. Anyway, his sister and brother-in-law each had major fertility issues, tried for a few years, was diagnosed with PCOS and a chromosomal issue, went on Metformin, etc. and were just about to start IUIs when bang! Pregnant. Her doctor didn't believe her when she called to schedule a beta - that's how low her chances were. Anyway, fast forward to yesterday, my husband's birthday. We had just told her that we were pretty sure our second IUI didn't take and that we were pretty gutted about it. My husband then asked what was new with them, and the FIRST WORDS out of her mouth were, "well, we're keeping busy with the little one...it's so all consuming, you know?". Um, actually, no. We don't know. I should have prefaced this with the fact that they are an extremely selfish couple that does not make the time for others, but expects us to drop everything when my niece is in the mood. Arrrrgh. I love my niece and she's a pretty smart little cookie, but it's so hurtful, primarily because my sister-in-law has been there and in my mind, should be more empathetic. I have vowed that when we finally do become parents, my husband and I will be compassionate to those who are in my shoes now. People that haven't struggled just have no comprehension of the pain, and it's a real shame when those that have gone through it seem to forget and can be so hurtful. (fyi, this is only one small example of the insensitivity we've dealt with from her)

Submitted by KMP

STFU, Turbo Tax!!!!!!

2011-02-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

Thank you, Turbo Tax, for reminding me not once, but twice while attempting to file my tax return--that we are still completely and utterly childless.

And worse, thank you for showing me that we will only get back $350 this year, after inputting $26,000 of medical expenses--that we don't even normally have....and crushing my dream of being able to do IVF in March or April.

Hey IRS fuckers, I've got an idea. Why don't infertile couples start getting one 'child deduction' for every IVF they complete in a tax year?? We so badly WANT the children, and many of us are spending MORE than the yearly cost of raising a child--within one stinkin month, that is.

I'm so very sickened right now. So. very. sick.

Pregnant fertiles crave beer; Infertiles just crave a baby

2011-02-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

So I log on facebook to find this post from a pregnant coworker. Now, I do like this girl, and she's been pretty good about not complaining the whole pregnancy, always posts how thrilled she is to be having a baby -- but this one really got to me (mainly comment #3):

I would love nothing more than to be pasty white, swollen ankles, not see my feet, and not drink for the rest of my life--if it meant I could be pregnant RIGHT NOW!!!

I guess this was pretty innocent, she even comments that she's "beyond excited", which is great. But the main reason I chose to post this was that COMMENT....geez!!! Who suggests beer to a pregnant woman?? She said she would like a beer (Abita strawberry), but she didn't mean right now. For the record I think that poster was a guy. But still....ugh!!!

If I am posting too much lately, just say so. I just really really love to vent. Thanks for "listening" and all your comments!!

UPDATE: I just read this on FB: "In complete shock. I'm having a boy now." -- Someone says "what?" She says "1st ultrasound was wrong. I saw the proof today"

Of course people are commenting and telling her not to stress out etc... She says "It wouldn't be so bad if the entire nursery weren't done and so pink and beautiful." And according to what I've been hearing from her SIL (who I work with), it's a TON...I mean a TON of pink. Custom made bed, the works.

To be honest I kind of felt like it was payback to the fertiles. LOL C'mon, I'm not that evil am I? She's still having a healthy little baby when most of us can't even get pregnant! Okay, okay, I feel a little bit bad for her...but it's nothing compared to going through what we've all been through. :(

The newest Facebook "re-post"

2011-02-03T09:38:00.000-08:00

We have all had to survive through "Daughter Week" and "Son Week" and all the other "kids" weeks - they seem to happen every other week, don't they??

Just in case you haven't seen the latest one yet, you can be prepared. I literally was reading this with my mouth hanging open. The friend that posted it has 2 children, doesn't want anymore and her husband is deployed. I totally bought into it. Ugh.

is EXPECTING!! I know, I know, it's crazy isn't it? I can't believe it myself. I wasn't going to post this until it was official. I mean who would have guessed that we are expecting !! Yup it's official.. We are expecting *snow* thursday night and again friday!! Re-post if you have any sense of humor!!

I did not repost. Apparently I have no sense of humor.

Scared of "finding out the sex"?

2011-02-01T19:48:00.000-08:00

When so many of us live in fear that we will never get pregnant, or stay pregnant, apparently fertiles are "scared" about finding out the sex???

I seem to be the only one posting lately, but I guess I have a lot of bitch-fests saved up as I have only recently joined as a contributor to this site!! So bear with me.

This is old, but I just had to share b/c I knew you all would find it..well, interesting. Last year a girl I was acquainted with in high school added me as a friend on FB, and I accepted.
Then I receive this inbox message:

How have u been? Long time no talk...I have a little girl she is 15 months old. I'm also 5 months pregnant! I have an ultrasound this friday, April 9th to find out the sex of the baby. :) I'm excited and scared. So where do you live now? I see your married :) very cool! I can't believe this year makes 10 years we have been out of highschool! That is nuts! Talk to ya soon! Have a Happy Easter :)

So she told me nothing about her life except about her children. What do you say to that? I was in a REALLY bad place at the time, and this hurt me pretty badly. So rather than be a complete bitch I said:

Happy Easter, you have a very blessed life.

I never got a reply. Although now that I'm reading it again, it looks like I was telling her to have a blessed life, and ending the conversation. When in fact, I was telling her how very blessed she was. I wanted to tell her to suck it up and be happy she's having her 2nd baby and why worry about the sex???!! I can't say I was upset to not receive a post back. Our 4th IUI had just failed so I didn't want to hear this shit!

By the way, the reason I thought of this again is because after a long stint of not seeing any wall posts from her, she has just uploaded 20 bajillion pics of her kids, one by one---for the last 20 minutes her kids' pictures keep popping on the screen. And I see that her 2nd is a little boy, which is probably what she wanted....

Conversation with a co-worker....

2011-01-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

Just found out a few days ago that "the girl who's always pregnant" at work (that's what I've always called her) is pregnant, yet again. Surprise, surprise.

Apparently my department was the last to find out -- I can't say I was disappointed. (I had wondered if she was just getting fat b/c I thought I saw a pooch a couple weeks ago)

I ran into her in the bathroom, so it couldn't be avoided. I see her belly...and here is the little convo that followed:

me: "Oh, so I heard the news. Congrats" (ugh, it makes me cringe to say that to a fertile, sorry) **I hold up 4 fingers somewhat inquisitively**

fertile bitch: "thanks. yup, number 4"

me: "and how old is your oldest?"

fb: "four" ***with a smile that says, I get asked this all the time....I sure wish I weren't so gosh darn fertile, wow it's so crazy to be so fertile, maybe I can have my own tv show***

me: ............."well I guess they'll all be the best of friends"......(I make my way into the bathroom stall)...."or the worst of enemies"

And that was it.

Here's how it would have played out if I could say what i really wanted to say:

~~~

ME: "Oh hi, I heard you were pregnant....yet AGAIN. Have you ever heard of birth control?? This is your 4th pregnancy in the 4 years that I've been working here. I've been trying to have a baby for 2 years, spent 30 grand incidentally, and in that time you've gotten pregnant with your 3rd, had the baby, brought all 3 kids to my department to torture me, and now you're pregnant again. Needless to say I'm not going to use the "C" word because I'm an extremely bitter infertile. Have a nice day. Oh and if you change your mind about wanting to keep the kid, I'm totally willing to taking it off your hands"

FB: ***runs away and calls the ethics line***

As promised....

2011-01-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

I mentioned that I would post my cousin's pregnancy announcement from facebook.

Let me preface this with the 'story' of how DH and I found out. We were about to head out to Hobby Lobby, and then DH gets a text from our friend. (Uhm, yeah....my cousin married a college friend of ours, after she got herself purposefully knocked up the first time....b/c she "can't swallow pills")

So just as we are leaving, DH gets a text, looks at his phone and says "Son of a bitch!"....
text reads: "I'm gonna be a dad again". I didn't have my phone on me so DH shows me. Commence crying.

Guess what? We didn't end up going to Hobby Lobby. Instead, we got really wasted. Alcohol is, after all, the only high point to being infertile, right??

DH ends up texting back and forth a little, and I kept telling him to stop because it was infuriating me just being reminded of the crap!

Well, we find out she literally just took the pregnancy test, oh about 20 minutes before the 'announcement'. Of course, what did I expect, considering the FIRST time she got pregnant and they'd been dating for about 5 months, they told the whole family right away--through text of course--AND expected everyone to be happy about it!!??!

In this day and age, we get multiple forms of torture--they also announced on facebook right away:

Oh isn't dat jus speshul?!!!! So not only does she announce it before seeing a doctor---and before the stick is even dry, she also speaks like a 14 year old child. And these people can procreate.

In case you want to read more details about why they suck so much (and hear me bitch about what morons they are), I will direct to you THIS post on my blog. Their back-story adds a whole other level to the fertile hatred. Seriously, it will make you want to slap her more than you already do.

Pregnant in the Winter

2011-01-25T09:39:00.000-08:00

Status:

being pregnant in the wintertime is hazardous to your health. 'nuff said. 7 month pregnant woman's general warning (butt out Surgeon General!)

Ugh!! I just don’t even have a witty comeback…

Loving your blog, just subscribed a few days ago.

Mari

That's a really Good Brand

2011-01-22T18:20:00.000-08:00

It's not recent but it still makes me laugh - it's a great STFU moment!

Here is the link and the story below: http://lovinmasoldier.blogspot.com/2009/05/ho-hum-but-is-there-sliver-lining.html

At WalMart I was buying a preggo test (something I seem to do every month, just can't wait for AF to come, I just gotta flush $$ down the drain - in my defense though I need to NOT be pregnant while taking clomid so I had to make sure). But anyway I was in the process of flushing my dough when the lady behind me made a comment about the test I was buying. She said, "That's a really good brand. It was right with both of mine." What was my response?

"Yea, it's been pretty right so far. It keeps telling me no."

She was unable to respond or even look at me.

Score one for the IFs!

Rhogam....really?...REALLLY??

2011-01-19T21:27:00.000-08:00

So I have a pregnant cousin who I am avoiding at all costs. She will end up being a topic of many of my posts here...because she is an idiot.

Before she got pregnant this go round (she has one little boy already) and she was 'trying', she was moaning and complaining to me about how she will have to get a Rhogam shot again. Oh no, how f*cking horrible for you!. She'd NEVER make it as an infertile!! Let's see, I gave my own self 40 shots during my IVF cycle, had blood drawn at least 6 times, and had 2 weeks worth of intramuscular PIO!! Not to mention that once pregnant, 99% of infertiles have to take progesterone supplements in some form for at least 10 weeks. Oh, I forgot to mention that she can't swallow pills either...and used that as the excuse to why she got knocked up the first time--while in college, and dating my friend for all of 4 months--because she "can't swallow birth control pills". Yes ma'am ladies, she's a real gem.

There's a big difference

2011-01-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

I went out to get more OPK's.

While in line the woman in front of me left the line to grab one more item. She came back with one blue package of an OPK.

The cashier said to her "that's not a pregnancy test, the pregnancy tests are in a purple package".

The customer said "what's the difference?".

The cashier said "those are to tell you when you're ovulating".

The customer, standing beside her about-8-year-old child: *blank stare*.

Meanwhile I'm standing there supressing my mean thoughts and glares at the customer who is oblivious to one of the many processes of trying to get pregnant.

The customer goes back to switch her OPK box for a HPT box.

Me: When it's my turn at the till, I put down the 8 boxes of OPK's from my basket and I say to the cashier "I know the difference".

Submitted by Anonymous

FB Pregnancy Announcement The Aftermath

2011-01-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

Hi ladies,

You posted about my situation here http://stfuferts.blogspot.com/2010/12/facebook-pregnancy-annoucement.html

As you read this please bear in mind that I have endured 5 years of TTC heartache including 4 miscarriages, then depression and suicidal thoughts followed later - all caused by my inept ovaries and losing my babies.

Well I'd like to update you on the latest with my "friend" whose pregnancy news I discovered on Facebook.

She claims to have tried emailing me to tell me about her BFP the emails kept bouncing back because she typed the wrong address. I've had the same email address for years, it is the ONLY one I use to email stuff to her. But according to her, I had been avoiding her so she just "assumed" that I had received her email and was too upset to reply. Perhaps a PM on Facebook, or a phone call or a text message asking me if I'm okay wouldn't have gone astray, but as I'm overseas she never initiates contact, it is always ME who has called or texted her.

She claims she has "worked hard to get to where she is in her life" - sorry, but TTCing for 11 months does not constitute hard work, by any LTTTC'ers standards she had it fucking easy! All she did was go off the pill and pop a few pregnancy vitamins each day, that's hardly what I'd class as having worked hard.

On the one hand, she claims that she was concerned for me. But now "she's afraid that my bitterness is too much for her to cope with". Yes, I'm gutted that she's had it so easy falling pregnant when she's done nothing to get her body prepared for a safe, healthy pregnancy. Whereas, I worked so hard on my fitness to prepare myself and then endured 4 miscarriages.

According to her, I need to "get some perspective and get rid of the chip on my shoulder and get help". A very low blow considering that she knows exactly how much counselling I have already been through for my fertility issues.

She claims that she has always given "spades of compassion" to me and has despaired for my situation (and I have given the same back to her when she was at her lowest and needed my help). So where are her spades of compassion now that I am hurting?

So, my journey through TTC hell has been swept aside and dismissed. Obviously she has NO comprehension of how badly my miscarriages and failure as a woman have impacted on my self esteem and my emotional state, if all she can say is that I need to "get rid of the chip off my shoulder". Can she kick me any deeper in the guts?

Ugh :-(

Belinda

Merry Christmas, I'm Pregnant

2011-01-14T15:14:00.000-08:00

I have a "friend" (I say the term loosely because my husband is friends with her husband, though I don't like her that much) who has been struggling with infertility. She would always ask me questions about treatments because I'm the more "experienced" one, with two IVF's and a miscarriage under my belt. This January was to be her first IVF cycle. Last night, ON CHRISTMAS DAY, she emails me to tell me that her and her husband got pregnant on their final Clomid/injection cycle and she's now 12 weeks pregnant.

I appreciated that she wanted to tell me personally before the news gets out on Facebook, but did she have to do in ON CHRISTMAS DAY? Especially when I'm trying to pump myself full of optimism for my upcoming FET cycle? FML.

Submitted by Anonymous

the wrong people are fertile

2011-01-13T05:42:00.000-08:00

Comic

2011-01-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/christmas

Like the holidays aren't hard enough for us.

It feels like the message from the writer of this comic is "have kids or your life will be miserable and you will get fat and grow to hate your spouse and want to kill yourself."

Julie

http://fertilityimpaired.blogspot.com/

How to Talk

2011-01-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

http://uncommonnonsense1.blogspot.com/2010/10/how-to-talk-to-subfertile-woman.html

Thanks to Kerri for sharing this link with us.

At the Gym???

2011-01-07T06:05:00.000-08:00

Some women in my plyo pump class have deemed it acceptable to bring their babies to class. I normally don't care. They stick to the back of the room. I stick to the front. Today, however, during in an especially excruciating set of squats, the instructor was just so amused by one of the babies in the back who was imitating its mom, that every time we squatted she would point and yell, "Look at the baby! Look at the baby! Isn't that so cute!" Needless to say, it had me thinking more of my busted ovaries than my gluteus maximus. It just sucks that I can't get away from infertility at the very place I go to clear my mind and do something good for my body. Ugh.

Submitted by Anonymous

Maybe I Shouldn't Be Surprised...

2011-01-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

From the moment we shared our bfp in November, I had so many friends talking to me about everything... I don't think I ever text or talked so much. (This was the first ever bfp since we have been in ART for the past year. It was out last cycle until after the new year.)

So, if you don't read my blog, I had a miscarriage mid December.

I don't really hear from any of them anymore. Nice, right? Suddenly being in the "Mommy Club" but without your child isn't good enough. Never saw that one coming.

Time Off

2010-12-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so now those blessed enough to become parents deserve extra time off too? When those I know going through IF treatments have to battle to make dr. appointments? Really?

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/parents-deserve-more-sick-days-massages-2415236/

Submitted by Anonymous

True Love

2010-12-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

I love your blog... a few days after I found it my friend posted this as her facebook status and it made me think of you all :):

I wish my daughter would not kick me so much it kinda hurts im so glad I can have kids I feel bad for people who cant they wont ever know what true love is

wow. just wow. so because you are unable to conceive you are incapable of love? wow. keep in mind she is pregnant with her second child, by accident and the baby daddy is in jail. good job honey.

Submitted by Anonymous

Facebook Pregnancy Annoucement

2010-12-20T20:02:00.000-08:00

I found out three days ago that my supposed best friend is 7 weeks pregnant.

On her Facebook wall she had a couple of "likes" - one for a baby stroller/pram and another for the Essential Baby website (in Australia).

I knew she and her husband were TTC so I became suspicious and did a Google search for my friend using her nickname. To my shock, two baby/pregnancy websites came up and I knew it was my friend who had been posting on the pregnancy forums. She got her BFP two weeks ago and has told her family and some friends and work colleagues, but not me. I'm her "best" friend!

Having been a long term TTC'er (5 years, 4 miscarriages), I thought she would have had the grace to break it to me before I could find out for myself.

Also, this "friend" sent me a rather shitty email having a go at me for not congratulating her.

Submitted by Belinda

Facing Infertility & Insensitivity

2010-12-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

I may have the coup de gras of insensitivity. I was interviewed a few weeks ago about a piece on surviving the holidays as an infertile for AOL's site Parentdish. The article performed so well that about a week later they placed in on the home page of AOL, which is when a commenting firestorm began. You can check it out here: http://www.parentdish.com/2010/11/23/tips-for-facing-infertility-during-the-holidays/

And my retort on my blog here: http://theinadequateconception.blogspot.com/2010/12/fallout.html

LOVE your site and what you're doing for all of us infertiles!

Lori
author, The Inadequate Conception - coming soon!
http://www.theinadequateconception.com/

Another Terrible Status

2010-12-13T07:51:00.000-08:00

Aside from the GLARING spelling/grammar errors ... what about those of us who choose to have a child, but whose bodies don't cooperate with that decision?

Submitted by Anonymous

Who cares? I've had 4 kids.

2010-12-10T09:20:00.000-08:00

Submitted by http://unaffectedbyyou.blogspot.com/

Blog Comment

2010-11-30T12:03:00.000-08:00

I was posting on a friend's blog when I came across this comment from another reader:

"You look so blissfully in love! Sometimes I feel like that spark is a little dim for us since I've been pregnant for 2 years straight:("

Yeah, I think that comment is definitely in the STFU category. Boo-fucking-hoo, you've been so lucky to get knocked up so easily and so often.
Ok, rant over! Thanks for letting me share!

Submitted by Anonymous

They had been trying too hard

2010-11-29T07:35:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a little late with this story... On Halloween I was talking to a friend of a friend who started asking the ol' when are ya'll going to have kids line of questioning... I kept it very vague and said "We'll just have to see if it happens for us..."

She tells me a friend of hers had tried for years and finally after being fed up made an appt with an IF doctor and when she got to her 1st appt, lo and behold she was pregnant! Ta-da!!!! '

Ummm.... what am I supposed to infer from this story? That it could happen to me? Cause I already had 10 appts with an IF doc and I haven't shown up pregnant once!!!

She goes to tell me this miracle occurred because "they had been trying too hard before...."

Ummm... unless you BD until your husband's junk falls off, I don't know how its physically possible to "try TOO hard" Arrggghh!!!!

Idiot!!!

Thanks for listening. :-)

Signed,

Another IF sister at:

http://www.onecycleatatime.blogspot.com/

Vote for my kid!

2010-11-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

This is a message I received yesterday from someone on my FB list.

Subject: Your child could be the Gerber Generation's next star!

Hi, It will be great if you can take a minute to vote for JHXY (name replaced). Here is the link and search criteria will be "JHXY" and/or city "Mt. Juliet". It is a 2 step process. Once you vote for him, it will automatically generate an email to your id, and you will have to open that email and click on the same day to complete your vote! Thank you so much.

What ticked me off was:
a) this person is has never before contacted me for a casual hi hello. Now she messages me because she needs my vote

b) I've never met her son, what makes her think I'll find him cute?

I understand that she thinks her son should be Gerber's next generation star (if I had a son or daughter, I'd probably think so too). But that doesn't mean she can mass email people on her friends list for votes!

Submitted by Keya

What Others Need to Know

2010-11-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

After posting this blog entry : http://curseofthechewedbuddha.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-others-need-to-know.html regarding what people should know about what to/not to say to an infertile, a lovely anonymous commenter responded:

Anonymous said...
Maybe you should thank your family and friends who do their best to deal with you. It's not easy to walk on eggshells all the time.

To which I responded with this lovely post:
http://curseofthechewedbuddha.blogspot.com/2010/11/thank-you-family-friends.html

Some people need to be slapped! And I hope that persons feet are bleeding from walking on eggshells around me...just sayin'.........

Some calls you Mama

2010-11-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

This is my aunt's FB status (my aunt, whose three children are a) an alcoholic, 2) divorced FOUR TIMES with kids by each husband and 3) unemployed at 27 and living off my aunt and uncle):

When life gets hard and you feel like giving up, just remember you are never alone and you mean the world to someone... that someone calls you Mama...

Well, fuck you too. I am never going to have children, thanks to a jacked up uterus. Guess I'm alone and I don't mean the world to anyone.

Submitted by Anonymous

Time Change

2010-11-08T12:24:00.000-08:00

Nothing is safe.. not even Daylight Savings Time

Submitted by Anonymous

Honeymoon Baby?

2010-11-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a good one. The couple was just married last Saturday and their family is already starting with the baby stuff. They left on their honeymoon Monday and on Tuesday (the bride's birthday) they were getting these ridiculous messages on their wall.

Submitted by Anonymous

I Don't Even Know Them!

2010-10-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, today on FB, my bestie announced the birth of her friend. I don't know this new mommy, I've never met her ever and she surely isn't on my friends list....

So now I get to see birth announcements about people I don't even know.

Ugh.

Right now, they ARE my babies

2010-10-31T17:45:00.001-07:00

With Halloween coming up this weekend, I ordered costumes online for my two dogs.

When they got here, I put them on my dogs and, using treats for bribery, took some photos of them.

I posted a photo of the two of them on my facebook page. An aunt (who while she may not know the specific details, knows we've had "trouble" ttc) commented: "You have too much time on your hands!"

Really? Is that what you are going to tell my sister when she posts pictures of her two year old in his costume? Is that what you will tell the parents who bring their kids in their fifty dollar costumes trick or treating to your door?

Oh, and for the record? If we finally DO get pregnant and have babies, I probably will STILL take pictures of my dogs in costume at Halloween. Maybe I'll even buy a matching one for the kid.

Just Me
http://breakatthebend.blogspot.com

Shut up!!

2010-10-26T17:03:00.000-07:00

A Facebook friend is pregnant with her second. Who gets pregnant the month they plan it, BOTH times? Ugh.

Well, today she posted:

I would really like to go skiing as soon as possible. Oh wait. I can't.

Shut up, just please, shut up. Is that your biggest problem right now? And you can't just sit there and be happy that you are knocked up so easily?

I feel like my whole life is on hold. I can't drink, ski, use meds without asking if it'd be ok IF I were to get pregnant, with no guarantee that I'll ever get pregnant. I restrict myself, just in case. Just in case my uterus decides to play nice. Just in case.

Your life is on hold for a few more months, and then you're 'done' with your family. So shut up.

Normally, this wouldn't bother me. I'd just ignore it and my life would go on, but maybe it's my hormones, or maybe I'm stressed, but it just got to me.

We should be so lucky!

2010-10-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

Really?! Is your life with your kid SO horrible?!?!

I BEG THE UNIVERSE TO HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

*fuming mad right now*

What happened?

2010-10-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, it finally happened! We only made it to eight weeks, but we had told family. I have seen a lot of people comment that they'd never tell so early, but it was the most exciting miracle that had ever happened to us. In the aftermath of the loss, I have had a couple people ask, "What happened?" As if it was something in our control.

No, I did not go on a bender and drink alcohol. No, I did not go smoke crack. It just happened. We don't know why, God didn't tell us why. The doctors don't know, it JUST happens. To 1 in 5 people.

I don't know if this really qualifies as an infertile moment, but to me it has been one of the biggest slaps in the face. In all honesty, (this sounds harsh) the infertility is more brutal and painful than any loss could possibly be for me. I do miss my baby that will never be. I still do not have a baby in my arms, my body still fails me, I am still infertile. So we managed to fertilize one egg in 3 years, it feels like my toxic uterus got the last laugh.

Thanks for assuming I did something wrong to have made this happen. I didn't, my uterus is just inhospitable for life.

Submitted by WhitBit

More Facebook Pregnancy

2010-10-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

Posted by someone about 8 months pregnant and getting to that uncomfortable phase of pregnancy:

"Whenever I start feeling uncomfortable I think of this little fun fact: A Russian woman holds the record for having the most children. Between 1725 and 1765, she was pregnant 27 times and had 69 children."

#1. You should just be thankful you're pregnant at all. Thankful you're not infertile. And that this is your second healthy child.
#2. Not only are you throwing your pregnancy in my face but you're telling me there's some woman out there who is/was not just fertile but SUPER fertile? Am I the Infertile villain counterpart to this Fertile Super Hero?

I'm glad you're thankful but be thankful for the right reasons please.

Submitted by Alex
foxinthehenhouse.wordpress.com

Just wait till you have kids

2010-10-14T09:57:00.000-07:00

We recently had my husband's sister, brother-in-law and their 2 kids over. I "baby-proofed" as much as possible. Anything I left out I understood might get touched/get dropped/get broken. Just because I don't have kids, doesn't mean I'm a fucking idiot.
I knew my BIL was gonna say something. He acts as if he is the kid expert.
The evening was almost over, and one of his kids knocked something over. No big deal, we didn't make a big deal of it, we said the dogs make messes all the time and cleaned it up.
BIL says "Just wait till you have kids, your whole life and house is going to change" I looked at him and said "Yes, we will be very lucky to get that far" And he says "oh I know, Positive Thinking!".
1. I should have said "really? our whole life is gonna change? I didn't realize" and then look at my husband and say "Screw this, lets not have kids, BIL says it's hard"
2. Positive Thinking is not going to make me ovulate or make my husband ejaculate sperm.

I had a very hard time not saying 'fuck you dude, get out of my house".

This is my worst fear about living child free, assholes like my BIL saying things like "Your so lucky not to have kids" For the.rest.of.my.life.

Ass-vice

2010-10-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

I got the crowning glory of all ass-vice from my best friend (not a mother, never tried) last week. She said to me, "You know, it doesn't help you to crumble." Oh, believe me, I had a response, I had quite a few of them!

I was like, do you think I WANT to crumble? Do you think I WANT to not be able to see a PG woman or a baby without crying? Do you think I WANT to feel like my entire life is on hold? Or need to get my depression meds increased and add in a therapist? Do you think I wanted to be written up at work for this getting to me too much??
Since the day we started trying, that's the worst thing I've heard from someone who meant well.

Jessie
Jessie's Infertility Journal

Stop Trying & It Will Happen

2010-10-11T12:47:00.001-07:00

I just found out that I am not ovulating, and we now have to do a sperm analysis, ultrasound next cycle, and will start clomid the cycle after that. I receive a FB message from a friend who is currently expecting her third child. I had told her a while back that we were trying, and she said this:

her: Are you still baby planning?

me: Yep! Hasn't happened yet, but it will soon! :) [I even put the smiley face, trying to be so nice and cut her off]

her: Once you stop trying it will happen.

I couldn't even make up a response. This lady works in my company and is kinda high up, so I couldn't go off on her like I wanted to.

but here is what I wanted to say to her: OH REALLY?! Like the egg and sperm just say to each other "you know, they want us to hang out tonight. Let's not, just to spite them." Except that my eggs aren't even coming out.

STFU!! Is that how you got your 3rd child, whom you are feeling move inside you right now? You just stopped trying, and unexpectedly got pregnant the 3rd time? Not likely.

URGH!

Ashleigh

If only it happened this quick for all of us

2010-10-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

This isn't anyone being rude or mean - just..... I wish she would not share so much on FB! Notice the dates of her two statuses...

Submitted by Anonymous

Giveaway - 100 Followers!! edited

2010-10-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well we did it! We successfully found 100 other people who enjoy to complain and listen to others complain about the unkind infertiles in our lives. (103 followers at the time of this post actually!)
For the most part, this had been great, so positive and reassuring for those of us going through infertility. We had a few negative comments but nothing crazy! So yeahh for us!

In honor of reaching this wonderful goal, we are hosting a giveaway.

An assortment of beauty & bath products from Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works & L'Oreal.

ENTER TO WIN!

Mandatory entry:
Leave a comment below with your favorite piece of baby making "assvice" you have ever received.

You must complete the mandatory entry before doing any extra entries.

Extra Entries (Leave a comment for each entry):

1 Entry: Follow our blog publicly (found on right sidebar).
2 Entries: Post about this contest on your blog with a link back to STFU Fertiles (Leave a link back to your post in your comment).
1 Entry: Tweet about this contest:
I entered to win a bath & beauty giveaway at STFUF http://bit.ly/bSvCZa You may do this once daily (always leave the link in your tweet in your entry)
2 Entries: Add our button to your blog.

**Edited to add: Alison at Giggly Girl Designs has offered to include a free blog button to the winner!

Good luck! Contest ends on September 25th at midnight. Winner will here on the blog a few days after that.
Winner will be chosen through random.org. Open to US & Canada.

Please be sure to include your e-mail or have it in your profile so I can contact you if you win. Thanks!

The numbers generated by this widget come from RANDOM.ORG's true random number generator.

Giveaway - Winner!

2010-10-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

And the winner is:

Kechara said...
Followed publicly

Congratulations Kechara!! Please email me your address at notpregnantjust@gmail.com and I will send your gift basket out ASAP and foward your information to Alison for your new Blog Button!

Thank you to everyone who particpated and reads!

Keep those submissions coming!

this chick REALLY doesn't get it

2010-10-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

One of my first posts on here talked about this girl who was completely heartless replying to my twitter account. (To refresh your memory of her just click on the link about to take you to my previous post.)

She's currently fighting an infestation of mice in her house. Guess karma's a bitch when you write something as heartless and ignorant as this:

It totally pisses me off when she can say having babies is the meaning of life when it comes so damn easy for her. I know it shouldn't bother me, but I have to believe that I can certainly still have meaning to my life even if I don't have children.

What would you comment to this? I am seriously considering writing her a bitchy comment to this statement and would love suggestions!

Profile Pic

2010-10-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been TTC for about 8 years so needless to say, I'm a bit sensitive to pregnancy announcements. Well I signed on to my Facebook page this evening and low and behold one of my "friends", a woman that I knew in high school, changes her profile picture to that of a positive pregnancy test! She actually made it her profile picture! To make matters worse, I was looking at my state's foster/adoption web site just 2 minutes before. Got to love that little piece of irony. Sometimes it feels like the universe is laughing at me.

Submitted by Anonymous

Pregnant Women Are Smug

2010-09-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

I found this over at Beckie's and it is HIL.AR.IOUS! And so true.

I know all you ladies will love it!

What about the rest of us?

2010-09-26T18:01:00.000-07:00

Posted on facebook:

Fuck you. I am not a Mom but desperately seek sleepness night and baby weight. In fact I have baby weight and a canceled IVF cycle and no baby to show for it.

Kid pretending to be a Cat

2010-09-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

A "friend" on facebook always seems to be complaining about her kid.

Today her status is:

Jane Doe would like to know what to do when your kid is driving you bits pretending to be a cat? Specifically, which section do I list her under on Kijiji?

I am holding back from posting

Check in the Infertiles section, I am sure there are many infertile couples who would love to be bothered by a kid pretending to be a cat.

Sarah

http://therockyroadtomotherhood.blogspot.com/

Never Fails to Amaze Me...

2010-09-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

FB conversation just now:

My status: "I'm going to drink coffee and not give a sh*t any longer."

Friend #1: "What's wrong?"

Me: "No caffeine is one of those stupid old wife's tales for infertility. And I am over it all... not like coffee is meth... hell, meth addicts get pregnant."

Friend #2: "Get drunk and go at it... seems like it works pretty well HA HA HA HA HA"
**friend #2 just had a big oops baby last year... she might not do meth.. but she's not clean.. at least she wasn't.**

Me: "where that may work for everyone else, I unfortunately do have specific medical issues. I don't have that luxury. :/ "

flu shot commercial

2010-09-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

This commercial tugs at my heart strings every time it comes on. I'm not exactly upset with the commercial, but rather think it's cute and it makes me wish I could get my flu shot for even just one little bundle of joy!

Never Safe, I Suppose!

2010-09-16T19:21:00.001-07:00

So, two FB posts today that really makes me realize that we aren't safe from anyone!

A friend of mine doesn't have kids. Her mom and my mom were total bff's since high school and they still are. My friend A and I are six months apart in age, as are our little brothers. I'm not sure why A doesn't have kids... she is happy with her long time BF and their several dogs. So, today, she posted a HUGE congrats announcement to all of FB that her friends just had a boy today....

Then she posted a shit ton of pictures of all the cliche labor and birth pics.

Really? I mean, if we can't be safe around our friends on FB that don't have kids... who can we be safe around?!?

Precisely why

2010-09-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

This is precisely why I do not post how I feel on f//b unless that it's I feel good! Why does someone think that really is an appropriate thing to ask in a public forum?

Enthusiam, much?

2010-09-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

This is how an f//b "friend" decided to announce her pregnancy - by way of profile pic:

This takes "telling before the stick is dry" to a whole new level.

This Is Our Place...

2010-09-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

What is SO HARD to understand about that? Even after all the crap with that troll commenter over the past few days, I get a lengthy message in my FB inbox from a mom friend... I was so angry I couldn't really process the message, but bits and parts about how some of the things we say on this blog hurt her feelings. *Sigh* Well, what would you all say to that? Is it bad that I really don't feel sorry? I'm sick and tired of being made to feel bad about HOW HORRIBLE it is to deal with infertility. And it makes infuriated when people that HAVE NO IDEA, not one single inkling, about what it's like, and then they try to argue about how hard pregnancy and motherhood is... Are you really effing serious? REALLY?!?! Oh, one part of the message was about how horrible postpartum depression is, how it has lead to suicide/homicide.... Yeah, try going through the depression of infertility... the depression from something that may never go away with time... something that can be a terminal condition.

Am I the only one that sees any of this?

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming

2010-09-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

My colleague received an amazing email from her friend in the UK. This friend had been complaining of tiredness and fatigue for months. Several trips to the doctor couldn't pin down what it was. Only once she complained of swollen ankles did the doctor think to check.... you guessed it, she was pregnant. And not just a bit, but 7 months pregnant! And on the pill! WTF?! So I asked my colleague, is she, um.... a large lady? Nope. Where did she "hide" it? Dunno.... But after me and my hubby were told that we didn't qualify for state funded fertility treatment, I sure as hell didn't need to hear about this "super-fertile" :(

Kaitake, New Zealand

Sad

2010-09-07T06:10:00.000-07:00

I've turned off anonymous commenters. That sucks but I just can't deal with these crazy negative insensitive comments.
I shouldn't be made to feel sad on a site that is designed for Infertile people to support Infertile people.
I don't, and I'm sure you don't either.. log on to Mommy blogs and make anonymus comments about how she shouln't complain, or insult her and tell her she's not a real woman.
These things are just mean and uncalled for.
I said from the beginning, negative comments towards us infertiles will be deleted and I meant it. This is Not the place for that!
So, I go back to the advice we hopefully all learned a long time ago.. If you don't have anything nice/supportive to say Stay the Fuck Away.

Really? What An Asshat!

2010-09-05T15:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, I just saw this comment on a post I made here a while back. Yes, clearly it made me angry... I don't know who this anonymous IDIOT fertile thinks they are...

Asshat Comment

PUSH!

2010-09-01T20:07:00.001-07:00

One of the ways that I cheer myself up when I have craptastic day (like today- CD1 and I can't find my phone...in my own house), is to read The Fail Blog. OMG. Awesome stuff. They have several different sites with all sorts of LOLZ. I got this one off of Picture Is Unrelated

What pray tell, did I find on Fail Blog that made me want to click over here and post....

Why only the fact that fertiles even get GOSH DARN CAKES!!

CAKES! They have taken over the sweet butter cream goodness.

Red icing will never pass my lips again......*GROAN* :)

Too bad we can't just got to our grocer's fridge and get on huh?

Really?

2010-09-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Who hasn't seen THIS freaking crap on Facebook? I have hidden about three 'friends' b/c the KEEP POSTING IT!
It isn't that I don't agree on some level- but for cripes sake.
I makes me see failure, loser, broken, dejected, etc. etc. etc. when I look in the mirror.

It's Just Another Day...

2010-08-23T19:27:00.001-07:00

This morning, my Facebook page was flooded with pictures of kids on their first day of school. At one point, everything on my home page was literally on that topic.

Why can’t I stop the urge to “do the math”? Where would I have been today if I didn’t have infertility?

If it had taken me a year to get pregnant, like a normal person, my child would be just over five years old. He or she would be starting Kindergarten today. Their picture might have been on that Facebook page.

Instead, my alarm went off as usual, I got ready and went to work.

Today is no different than any other day.

Except that I will not be logging onto Facebook if I can help it.

- Anonymous

Facebook Note

2010-08-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

A note posted by a cousin on Facebook. Comments in red are mine.

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, ‘surely she doesn't mean me’- then you should probably read this twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk. Unless you are one of thousands of people for whom getting pregnant is a dream and the thought of bringing home a live infant seems as impossible as walking on the moon. Many of us would love to be happy and chipper for you, but our own pain makes it impossible.

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents or any other relatives. Except for when it takes a couple of doctors, nurses, and a lab technician to put the baby in there. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'. Unless it's an adoption or surrogate pregnancy. Then it's more than allowed.

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it. Yet again it needs to be pointed out that sometimes it takes more than 2 people to make a baby!

4) The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman. I agree about not touching the stomache, but come on, my own mother now asks me how my cervix is doing and I'm quite certain my RE is on a first name basis with it and my uterus.

5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight...ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'. I'll give her this one.

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer, and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer. Yes, I know I won't be pregnant this summer. But I'd be thrilled to be and I'd even be thrilled to be able to be noted as a pregnant woman and put up with the comments you find so annoying.

Sincerely,

All the Pregnant Women in the World

Submitted by April P.

Facebook Status

2010-08-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

I saw this first thing this morning on FB:

"I have carried a child within my body...I have comforted a baby upon my chest...My body is not magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a mother, and there is no greater honor or blessing...Make this your status if you are proud to be a mother ♥."

This is just plain offensive to everyone who hasn't "carried a child within their body". Let's not even go there on how this is offensive to IFers, but let's look at how mothers who've adopted their children may see this. Ugh. I hate people.

Submitted by Anonymous

Ummmm

2010-08-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

My parents adopted 2 children and got pregnant with me after 10 years of infertility. My parents feel that even though they did not go through infertility treatments that they know more than me; who has had 5 years, 6 cycles of drugs, 4 iui's, 1 ivf and a m/c! Every time they run across a newspaper article or news story they forward it to me or tell me to read it and shove it in my face. They are also constantly telling me to "relax" and "not stress". I have a stress free life, if anything stresses me its them! Why cant people just listen and not but in?!

When people ask the question "Do you have any kids" I normally take that opportunity to educate and inform them of infertility and how rude of a question that really is. I just started a new job on Monday and of course all the women asked me that and since I was new I didn't want to come across badly so I just answered "no". Today I was talking with a 30something women with 3 kids and I was talking about my last job I used to have to call Planned Parent hood and that was extremely hard for me. She started telling me of her brother and SIL's infertility. I took that opening and informed her of mine. If she knows from her families own struggles she should have known better than to NOT ask that question! UGH!

Thanks mom

2010-08-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

I just found out that my 24 yr. old cousin who got married in January is pregnant.

My mom proceeded to tell me that I should really get on it. Really mom? Really? It's not like she doesn't know what's going on, but she somehow remains clueless. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: Okay mom, I'll talk to you later.
Mom: Think about it, your younger cousin is having a kid before you. And you've been married for almost 3 years. You should really get going!
Me: Alright, I will. I'll talk to you later, okay?
Mom: Have you been going to see the doctor regularly? What do they say?
Me: Uh huh, I'll call you later. Bye.
Mom: Well what do they say?
Me: *SIGH* We need to make an appointment so we can schedule our first IUI, but we haven't had the time. But I gotta go, so I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
Mom: You need to MAKE time. Tell me how it goes.
Me: Bye.

I couldn't take it anymore and hung up. Can I just rip my hair out now?

Reluctant Mother

2010-08-16T04:53:00.001-07:00

I ran into an old colleque of my husband's after a presentation last night after not seeing her in a while. As my mom taught me some manners, I asked how her husband doing as well as her little girl who is about 18 months old. I was expecting the usual "o, she is so adorable, wish I didn't have to go back to work blah blah blah..."

What I did get was "O, you know, I was a very reluctant mother and only had her because my husband really wanted kids, but now I think it is ok. At least she is getting to a stage now where she is a bit more of a person and not just a baby" WTF??? RELUCTANT MOTHER?????

Why bother then if you didn't want one and even after having a baby can't see that it is a miracle?

Some people just have no clue how lucky they are...

Submitted by Anonymous

Just Relax

2010-08-13T07:30:00.001-07:00

I hate that there is *just enough* scientific evidence to keep that offensive and annoying piece of advice, "Just relax" going. ME "just relaxing" will NOT suddenly make my husband produce sperm. ME "just relaxing" will NOT miraculously reverse the effects of cisplatinum chemotherapy, bleomycin drugs, or other alkylating chemotherapy drugs. And for that matter, no amount of my husband "just relaxing" won't do a bit of good either. Especially since my husband received those drugs over 25 years ago.

Submitted by Christine
snarky girl married to an infertile man

OMG, LOOK AT MY PREGNANT BELLY!

2010-08-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

I was reading a crochet group and someone posted a quite reasonable question about whether she needed to use baby yarn and could use regular yarn for an on-the-go blanket for her baby. I was skimming through the comments about flammable acrylics vs natural, easy washing vs fireproofing and someone made a comment with a very pregnant belly icon. Then some idiot complimented her on the icon, and she had to explain that was only her 39 week icon, she went...blah, blah, blah, and then she posted a thumbnail of a poster of her growing pregnant belly. IN A CROCHET GROUP!

Keep your damn belly out of my yarn, fertile!

Submitted by Anonymous

What do WE have to complain about?!

2010-08-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

I'm currently going through IVF treatments, and being pretty public about it on Facebook, so I suppose I expect some comments. But still, it's *my* Facebook and the people there are my friends (I've blocked certain people from seeing my updates as I knew I wouldn't be able to handle their comments). Mostly people have been lovely, interested and supportive, but one comment this morning irked me slightly.

"This is late morning for baby owners. :)"

I know my friend was trying to be funny and supportive, but what he doesn't realise that comments like these (and we IFers get a LOT of them) come across as belittling what we are going through, while at the same time implying that we are ignorant of the realities of parenting. I hope he gets that from my response.

Also, please note that *three* of the four commenters have their children in their profile pictures. (I probably shouldn't complain too much as I'm kissing my husband in mine). The only one that really bothers me is "R"'s though. You probably can't make it out, but that is a picture of her breastfeeding her baby while they are both in cosplay costumes - and this isn't even the most graphic of profile pics she's put up. I find it deeply disturbing.

Submitted by Edel

This is for all the moms

2010-08-04T19:56:00.000-07:00

Anyone else see this gem going around on FB?

"This is for all the moms that gave up eyeliners for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long showers for quick showers, late nites for early mornins designer bags for diaper bags & wudnt change a thing. Lets see how many moms repost this. This is for those moms who don't care about what they gave up instead LOVE what they get in return. Repost this if ur a Mom and LOVE your kids!"

What if your not a Mom but gave up all of those things because of the emotional and physical costs of infertility?

She Should Know Better

2010-08-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Text conversation just had with a "friend" who has 1 month old Clom.id baby & PCOS:

Dumbass: How many embryos do they implant?
Me: We haven't gotten that far yet, probably no more than 2.
Dumbass: Uh Oh You could have twins! :)
Me: Yeah..I would not prefer that..but it is what it is
Dumbass: It would be be cool!
Me: Yeah, but the early birth and health risks to me are terrifying

No response after that.

Ugh

2010-08-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

My mom found out that her friend's daughter is struggling with IF. So I guess they talk about it. Whatever.

She recently found out that said friend's daughter went through IVF. She got twins. It made me kind of hopeful in a weird way, until I found out that she elected to get rid of one. They were both healthy, and they both stuck. Why would you get rid of one? WHY??

She knows what it's like to have IF, she obviously put a lot of time, effort and money into having children. So why?

I'll never understand. It makes me so incredibly frustrated. But to each their own I guess.

STFU Fertiles

Some infertility humor

Fertile is as Fertile Does

Unimportant

Trophy Child

Baby Gag(a)

Happy Momiversary to me!

Postpardumb

One Day Not to be Pregnant

Paper trail

Specific Birthday

Nissan Commericials

Early Mornings

Wanna trade??

Educate Yourself Before You Speak.

Oh How Inconvenient...

Facebook WTF moment!

A new form of breeder insults...

Just Relax

Building a Baby

Facebook Fertile

Are you serious??

The Best Job in the World

My life as a mother

From a "friend" who went through IVF to get pregnant. How soon they forget...Yes..my FB statuses will now mostly revolve around my life as a mother and my twins. If you don't like it, delete me.

Okay seriously, WTF?

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

You don't have kids

Horrific Conversation

"Add as Friend" Facebook FAIL

Did you hear the one about the...

Shouldn't they be a source of comfort?

STFU, Turbo Tax!!!!!!

Pregnant fertiles crave beer; Infertiles just crave a baby

The newest Facebook "re-post"

Scared of "finding out the sex"?

Conversation with a co-worker....

As promised....

Pregnant in the Winter

Status:

being pregnant in the wintertime is hazardous to your health. 'nuff said. 7 month pregnant woman's general warning (butt out Surgeon General!)

That's a really Good Brand

Rhogam....really?...REALLLY??

There's a big difference

FB Pregnancy Announcement The Aftermath

Merry Christmas, I'm Pregnant

the wrong people are fertile

Comic

How to Talk

At the Gym???

Maybe I Shouldn't Be Surprised...

Time Off

True Love

Facebook Pregnancy Annoucement

Facing Infertility & Insensitivity

Another Terrible Status

Who cares? I've had 4 kids.

Blog Comment

They had been trying too hard

Vote for my kid!

What Others Need to Know

Some calls you Mama

Time Change

Honeymoon Baby?

I Don't Even Know Them!

Right now, they ARE my babies

Shut up!!

We should be so lucky!

What happened?

More Facebook Pregnancy

Just wait till you have kids

Ass-vice

Stop Trying & It Will Happen

If only it happened this quick for all of us

Giveaway - 100 Followers!! *edited*

Giveaway - Winner!

this chick REALLY doesn't get it

Profile Pic

Pregnant Women Are Smug

From a "friend" who went through IVF to get pregnant. How soon they forget...

Yes..my FB statuses will now mostly revolve around my life as a mother and my twins. If you don't like it, delete me.

Giveaway - 100 Followers!! edited

What do WE have to complain about?!