So, I had this friend. Had. When we first met last year, of course we talked about kids and whatnot... I told her about my infertility and that I was excited to be starting treatments soon. A month later, she announced that she and her husband were going to officially start trying. Needless to say, 3 months into their "trying" and countless introductory infertility appointments for me, she finds out that she is pregnant... what do you know, right?!
Well, as the months went on, we hung out and I kept mum about my treatments unless she specifically asked. I continued to watch her belly expand as well as the variety of the things she complained about whether I asked or not. I even watched her no-listening, spoiled dog while they flew home to Buffalo for the baby showers. Shortly after I watched her dog for no charge, I had my first CD13 u/s for my first round of clomid. She knew about the appt from FB and she sent me a text later that day asking how it went. Of course, I had no reaction to the 50mg, and I was crushed! So I told her the basics. Two days later, her husband and mine went to shoot pool at one of the few bars on base. The next day, I got a 3 page bitchfest on how bitter I am... because I knew she was home alone and didn't bother to text her 7 month pregnant butt. Yeah... maybe that's because I didn't care to hear her complain, or get turned down on the invite anyways.
Why is it when pregnant women complain, they expect to get a pat on the head or a batch of cookies? And when they ask us about how IF is going, they get upset when we then complain? And we get the tisk-tisk finger... "Shame shame, infertile, for being upset and not caring about u/s pictures and swollen ankles!"
Personally, I have a blog just for when I want to complain. I don't even do that their a lot.
Has anyone else had something like this happen?
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Not that this is a mature or reasonable reply, but I'd have been tempted to respond, "Well, I just figured that, you know, it would be hard for you to stand around and watch us drink or subject your baby to all that second-hand smoke. And those places are so loud and you never know what the baby might hear. It's just not healthy for a child, you know? It's important for you to surround your baby with love and a real spiritual environment. I know you understand. I certainly wouldn't want to do anything that might expose my baby to potential developmental delays later in life. But we'll definitely keep you in mind for another time!"
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit confused... are you responding to the above blog post? Seeing as I didn't mention anything to do with smoking or drinking... (I myself don't do either.)
ReplyDeleteOr is this how you would respond to the ex friend of mine?
That's how I would respond to the friend assuming I didn't want to be friends anymore (and that she would be intelligent enough to realize I was being patronizing and insulting.)
ReplyDeleteSorry for any confusion.
-m
ok! ha ha, I had to think about that one (forgive me, it's almost 2am for me :D) Aaaand sometimes, I can just be slow... darn infertile brains of mine!
ReplyDeleteWhat's super horrible, up until I stopped talking to the friend I mentioned, she was still smoking and occasionally drinking! She didn't even want to give all that up for the health of her baby.
I drank beer socially, but it never did much for me... I did smoke for almost 9 years, but I quick cold turkey when I started actively trying/getting IF treatments.
I totally understand this!!! It is like we have to censor what WE say b/c it might make them uncomfortable....but they can say whatever the heck they want to talk about. EVEN if it makes us uncomfortable- just b/c they are pregnant.
ReplyDeleteGRRRRRRRRRRRRR
My SIL gave me a lot of that. Telling me what I couldn't say in my blog because it upset it. Honey, I just had a miscarriage and you're still pregnant and *I* upset you?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah! I forgot the part where said friend got mad about how I wrote my blog. Like I had no right to be hurt over IF. Like, really? Usually I know exactly what to say, comeback wise... this just made me laugh! What do you say to something that ridiculous? Pfft... I'd never tell anyone what they could or couldn't write about.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who is due any day now.. who is very much like this. It's really hard to be happy for her.
ReplyDelete