A new form of breeder insults...

We have been TTC for a WHILE. Needless to say I have had my share of "it'll happen" & "have you considered adoption" (ETC.) comments. It gets old. Instead of taking the high road I have decided to be bitter and unforgiving about IF-related naive and insulting comments and questions. If someone "doesn't know what to say" then they should keep their mouth shut. Period.

My best tactic thus far has been planning responses to the standard questions so I can be prepared for future comments. For example: the next time someone asks me "Have you considered adoption?" I plan to respond with, "Have YOU considered adoption?" My reasoning for this question is because most breeders would never consider adoption. If I ask them if they have considered it and if they even try to make a comment about why would they need to consider adoption...oh they are MINE!
(1) Why is adoption OK for me to consider but not good enough for you to consider?
(2) Adoption is a very VERY personal decision for each person and couple... etc. etc. etc.

I also have many sarcastic comments for many questions along the lines of "when are you going to have kids." I thought I was good to go! But Monday, I was thrown off my game and I am now searching for responses to new IF-related naive and insulting questions.

(Back Story) In this very long and hard journey we have discovered that I have stage 4 endometriosis, which they could not prove to be the cause of my infertility. Great. So what is it?

I recently decided to go gluten free which has not only helped my endometriosis and made me feel so much better, but it has also given me a tiny sliver of hope back...

See 2 weeks ago I had an endometrial biopsy done to check my lining. This test checks for a Beta-3 Integrin, a protein that should be in every uterine lining. It makes the lining sticky for implantation. This was the first time I have come across a test where a negative test result is not always a good thing. My lining does NOT have the Beta-3 integrins. I now have to get a shot of Lupron to shut down my cycles for 3 months (aka menopause) with the hope that when my cycles "reboot" (yes, like a computer - either that or jump start like a car, which was my mom's favorite) *hopefully* my body will begin making the protein.

Needless to say this was quite a blow. It will be hard but I am dealing with it. I feel better now and, like I said before, I have a bit more hope in being able to control my diet. Just like the shot, I am hoping controlling the endometriosis through my diet will work.

When I shared this earlier this week with co-workers Amber and Ashley. I did NOT share the "pity party" part, just the test results and changing my diet part. After all we were on our way out to lunch so I felt the need to share. Also, I do have an issue I think with sharing too much information sometimes. But anyway, at lunch Amber proceeds to tell me that there is just no way they would be able to help me right now. Maybe a few years ago, but pregnancy is just not something she wants to deal with right now (as in being my surrogate, you know since my lining is messed up...pause for reaction). Ashley agrees and in fact, Ashley would not even want to be pregnant with her own child right now. Having another child right now would likely cause Ashley to go into depression because that's just not where she wants to be right now.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OK hopefully you have had time to digest that some. In all honesty I do not care at all if Ashley has more kids, doesn't have more kids, doesn't want to have more kids. It's her life, whatever. BUT the timing of that comment pissed me off. Amber and Ashley went out of their way to offer telling me that they are not willing to help me with something that I did not even ask them to help me with in the first place. What makes them think they are so special that I would want to ask or even consider asking them to be my surrogate? That is quite presumptuous, insulting and it pissed me off.

Regardless of my recent test result, my husband and I have not even discussed something like that yet. We are not there. We are not done trying. I am so tired of people offering worthless *advise* to "lighten the mood" because they are uncomfortable. I do not care if they are uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Try living it, believe me that's worse than being uncomfortable about taking about it.

Anyway, thank you all for allowing me to rant and vent! Now apparently I need responses to comments offering to reject being my surrogate without my even asking. Suggestions welcome.

**The names have been changed to protect the guilty**

Stop Trying & It Will Happen

I just found out that I am not ovulating, and we now have to do a sperm analysis, ultrasound next cycle, and will start clomid the cycle after that. I receive a FB message from a friend who is currently expecting her third child. I had told her a while back that we were trying, and she said this:

her: Are you still baby planning?

me: Yep! Hasn't happened yet, but it will soon! :) [I even put the smiley face, trying to be so nice and cut her off]

her: Once you stop trying it will happen.



I couldn't even make up a response. This lady works in my company and is kinda high up, so I couldn't go off on her like I wanted to.

but here is what I wanted to say to her: OH REALLY?! Like the egg and sperm just say to each other "you know, they want us to hang out tonight. Let's not, just to spite them." Except that my eggs aren't even coming out.

STFU!! Is that how you got your 3rd child, whom you are feeling move inside you right now? You just stopped trying, and unexpectedly got pregnant the 3rd time? Not likely.



URGH!



Ashleigh

Working in a Breeder's Paradise

Yesterday I had to practically run to my computer to blog about the "baby-fest" taking place in my office. Our boss recently got married to and had an "oops" baby with one of my best friends, so needless to say his bundle of joy (whom I adore) is ALWAYS in our office. Which sets the precedence, for you guessed it, everyone bringing their fucking spawn in here, like, ALL of the time. I work in a law office not a romper-room, some days its hard to tell the difference.

Its bad enough I have to deal with my own personal IF hell without toddlers toddling through the hallway at work saying hi 50 times over and over and fucking over again, along with the annoying crying and the ridiculous cooing that everyone does. Everyone just eats that shit up, they can't get enough, except me in my office with the door closed. No one here understands!

And the breeder commentary? Enough to drive me over the edge.

I just walked by the lunchroom and was enthusiastically told "the BABY's HERE"!!!!! and overheard someone saying "babies are just the best". I had to get out of there fast before I threw up a little. Yesterday everyone rallied around the newly married guy telling him, "your next"! Nine months from now you'll be bring your baby in. WTF? I imagine if I was one of the fertile I would revel in this hell, but I am not, so I am left to stew being bitter and angry, alone.

So its been 4 babies in the last two days. I used to think it was cool to work with my peers. Now I think it sucks.

Submitted by Infertility Musings

No Twins

.my most annoying comment so far comes from a coworker (who knows about our journey to become parents).  she got married last summer and immediately started TTC.  she kept telling me and everyone else about how "ideally she would be PG by Christmas."  well, she was, but then she kept mentioning how disappointed she was that it wasn't twins....um hello?  maybe one healthy baby is a big enough blessing??

--thanks for letting me vent.
Submitted by Anonymous

Every weekend is a long weekend

Coworker: How are you?
Me: Tired.  Long weekend.
Coworker: With me, every weekend is a long weekend.  Kids, ya know.
Me: (sharply) Without kids makes a long weekend (thinking) when your every waking moment is consumed with trying to think of things you can do to get kids, drugs, shots, pills, nutrition, exercise, "self"care, scheduled sex...)
Coworker: Yeah?
Me: Yeah.
Coworker: Oh.  Well, you know, it's 24 hours, all the time every time.

Really?  It's not part-time?  It's not as easy as, oh, say getting pregnant?

Submitted by Doogie