Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Shower Hell

This weekend I had a babypalooza shower stretch for two of my best friends. I was helping host both of them. I was in surprisingly good spirits until Mrs. Piggy sat down next to me.
All I heard was "Blah blah blah blah blah BABY Blah blah blah why waiting? blah blah blah blah" coming out of her mouth.

Then she realizes I am the mommy to be's Best Friend. She leans in and asks all syrupy sweet how southern Belles do--- "So when is your little one due? A Halloween baby?"

*my mother starts to choke on her brand new teeth"
I say "Nope, I am not pregnant- just fat!"
*my poor mother is kinda gagging her teeth out of her throat*


She didn't stop either. "well surely you are trying right? You are what? 35, 36? (NO I'm 33!)
"then I would really not wait any longer as it looks your body ages fast" WTF?

My mother finally got her teeth back in and composed enough to jump into the conversation and deftly spill her drink and made me go get it.

GRRRRRRRR. I wish I had a super IF power that caused duct tape to come out of my fingernails so I can SHUT THESE FERTILEs UP!!!


  1. Wow. No one wants to make a scene, I know... But I would have put her right in her place!

  2. Wow! I usually answer those questions with brutal honesty. Do you have kids? Why not? "I'm barren." I know it's bitchy, but I get fed up.

  3. Wow, how clueless and insensitive!! But man, what a wonderful mom you have!

  4. Omfg.. this is unreal and so very unfair to you. I'm proud of how well you handled yourself and you have an awesome mom!


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