So, since the days surrounding Mother's Day, just about half of the IF blogs I follow announced their BFPs.... For some reason, these are probably the hardest pregnancy announcements to ever have to see. I feel terrible for feeling that way. And we all know it's possible to to feel happy for them, but yeah, it's pretty much like getting smacked in the face with a Louisville Slugger.
Maybe it's just me, and how I'll handle it if I ever get my BFP, but I plan to just not announce it on my blog... and not blog about infertility after that. Kind of like a 'phase it out' plan. Oh the hope I try to have! lol!
Am I a bad person for getting really irritated when pregnant bloggers still blog about infertility... not in the "I've been there way" but like they are still going through it as if they weren't typing with one hand and rubbing their pregnant belly with the other.... Is that really wrong of me? I am beginning to feel like the last infertile, not only amongst my everyday friends, but now all my blog sisters too.
Oh, here is my "Salt in the Wound" moment of the month: A good friend on FB recently noticed I am apart of several IF Facebook pages. She messaged me and gave me the link to her sister's blog, who she said was dealing with IF too. I think, sweet, a new IF blog sister. I was wrong... the first thing in her header is: "Through Infertility, And We Finally Got Pregnant!".... FML.
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I feel the same way you do about reading the prego blogs...and to be honest once I see that they are no longer IF I delete them so that I'm not getting all emotional every time they post something pregnancy related. It's the way I cope... maybe one day I won't have to do that.
ReplyDeleteI try try try so so so hard not to delete them, It's sucks because it seems like that is the only way... And it bums me out too because these were some of my favorite gals! But sorry, I can't read blog post after blog post about new obsessions with Gymboree's infant clothes, or finding a good infant photographer all apart of the "Before Baby To-Do List"... ugh! Thank you for telling me about each to-do every blog.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the BFP's are hard. Some of them I delete but the ones I am really close with I follow. I hope that you get your BFP soon and when you do that you will continue to blog.
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
IFFFF it EVVVVER happens for me I don't know what I would do. Part of me agrees with the phase out but part of me thinks a simple to the point pg announcement and thank you to everyone. I would then tell them it will be my last blog (except I'd probably continue to talk about endometriosis...maybe start a new/seperate blog.
ReplyDeleteThere are people I still want to hear about after the fact...others...not so much :P
I think a separate blog is a good idea, but I try to talk about a lot of other things in mine now so it will be easy to just drop the IF stuff, I hope it's that easy!
ReplyDeleteI miss blogfrog... I had to take a break from it because of the sheer volume of mommy/pregnancy topics. It cracks me up too, because the lady who started the community is going through IF, very openly. She is so gracious, and doesn't mind at all. Nor does she want the community to be about IF, but wouldn't you think to be a bit more conscious of that fact as a member there?
As a fellow IF - I just wanted to say thanks for your blog. I love your honesty and style of writing. I take comfort in the fact that there are others out there who feel the way I do over the insensitive comments of fertiles!
ReplyDeleteMy morning is not complete without popping in to 'see' you!
xx Lisa-Marie
(Cape Town, South Africa)
Can I just say, I love this blog! It is great to know I am not alone or crazy in thinking the way I do about what people say! Thanks!!!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog from Baby On Mind's blog. I love your humor. don't worry...you are not alone. I am still in the IF world with you!
ReplyDeletehttp://doihavetobeadink.blogspot.com/
Well, this is a touchy subject with me. I'm newly pregnant and I can tell you from experience that just because you achieve a pregnancy doesn't mean that your brain functions differently. You still perceive the world from the view point of an infertile. I've been in the trenches of infertility for a long time now. Infertility changes everything -- even how you feel after you are pregnant and I'm certain it changes how you parent.
ReplyDeleteSince my BFP, I don't get as many comments and I'm not even sure half the time if anyone is reading. But that's their choice. I understand if it's too difficult to read about pregnancy. But from my own personal experience, the blogs about successful pregnancies gave me hope for my own future.
I don't think you are a bad person for feeling as you do, but. What you may not understand is that, though someone who was IF or someone (like myself) who had 2 2cnd trimester losses even though we are happy to be pg, we still hurt from the hardship, we still mourn our losses. Just b/c we get pg doesn't mean that all our prior feelings go out the window. I still to this day hurt for the loss of my babies, i still miss them i still long for them and i still think of all the hopes and dreams i had for them. As far as announcing it on our blogs. That's not an easy choice either. We have been in your seat of hearing announcements and we know how that stings,but we are also happy for that person and want to share in their blessing b/c sometimes in doing so means that your blessing is just around the corner. It took me a min to announce my new pg b/c i didn't want to hurt someone or bring them down, but who knows better what you are going through than those who are going through it or have been through it. That kind of support is priceless. I am sorry that you feel the way you do. But maybe you will one day be able to rejoice with those whose journey has taken a different turn than yours.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind that just because someone gets pregnant doesn't mean they no longer have to deal with their infertility issues. I've had two early miscarriages, and once the loss is over, then not only do I have to deal with the same infertility issues as before, but now I also have to deal with recurrent miscarriage. If I had lost all that support from the infertility community while I was pregnant, because I was pregnant, I would be devastated. I need you guys.
ReplyDeleteKrista, Shandrea and Womb Warrior: This is what this place was created for... so every time we post something that we feel hurt us, we don't have mommies and pregnant ladies trying to tell us "maybe one day..." or "it will work out" and all things along those lines.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add the disclaimer on the Welcome Post here on this blog, just for reference:
ReplyDelete**Disclaimer, any posts or comments with negativity at us infertiles will be deleted. This is a place for us to vent. We all know and love at least one wonderful, well deserving fertile. We are not talking about you. We are talking about the insensitive breeders who don't even to try to be kind to us.**
Oh girl...you're not the last one out there...
ReplyDeleteH.C bishop, i understand what this blog was created for. I was just responding to what i thought this post was saying. All i was doing was giving a perspective that just because someone who was dealing with IF becomes pregnant doesn't mean that they lose the anxiety and worries they had before they got pg. It doesn't mean the they don't need the support of those who know what IF does to a person. I'm sorry if you feel that is negative and never did i say that you don't have a right to feel what you feel or that you were wrong for feeling that way. Again it was just a different view point.
ReplyDelete