I just had a miscarrage in March after ttc for 5 years and finally being able to afford IVF and getting pregnant for the first time ever.
My dad of all people sent me an email the other day telling me "Remember that there are many people without children, some by choice" "Take an active roll with your nephews and nieces" "Perhaps God is trying to tell you somethign about your role in life" AND FINALLY "I totally understand, but it hurts me to see you hurting and not letting go".
Sure get right on that letting go thing! REALLY?!
Heidi
http://jandhnyberg.blogspot.com/
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I have no words, I am so sorry that your dad said this to you. I think the pain of losing a baby, especially after IF and IVF, is unimaginable, I wish people would just learn to shut up if they do not know what to say do not want to see our hurts.
ReplyDeleteUgh.
ReplyDeleteWow, I am somewhat speechless. I guess your dad had good intentions, but really, that is how he tried to comfort you? I am sorry.
OMG what was he thinking when he sent that out. Big hugs honey.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Heidi.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this. Sorry this terrible comment.
Wow. I can't imagine what he was thinking. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteI am with the others - I have absolutely no words for that level of insensitivety. I am so sorry you had to read that. It really just solidifies that people that have not gone through IF...DON'T GET IT!
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs...
I have a friend with 6 children, 5 in private religious schools, and obviously that's a financial strain so I help out when I can.
ReplyDeleteSo I was talking to the father and he was "thanking" me for my assistance by comparing me to the financiers who support religious scholars (and receive the spiritual credit for studying by enabling scholars, rather than being one.).
That's now how I want to receive my credit. I can support other people's children and still have my own. Honest! And as much as I love his children, and my nieces and nephews, they're not MY children. I feel like asking him how he would feel if the positions were reversed. Would he be content to support my children, or would he lament never having his own? And the next time someone tells me it's G-d's will that I'm infertile, I will shove my boot up their butt. First of all the presumption is arrogant. Second of all, maybe G-d's will is that I raise awareness of infertility and reach out and touch amazing people and make good friends who also know what it is to struggle and then ultimately have my perfect baby(ies) and continue to work to improve health care and awareness of infertility related issues. Does anyone ever say that? No, of course, THAT couldn't be the plan!
*eye rolling*
I do encourage you to talk to your Dad and tell him how hurtful what he said was and help him find the language to talk to you that is supportive and loving. He can't minimize your pain, no matter how much he wants to, but he can support you.