What is SO HARD to understand about that? Even after all the crap with that troll commenter over the past few days, I get a lengthy message in my FB inbox from a mom friend... I was so angry I couldn't really process the message, but bits and parts about how some of the things we say on this blog hurt her feelings. *Sigh* Well, what would you all say to that? Is it bad that I really don't feel sorry? I'm sick and tired of being made to feel bad about HOW HORRIBLE it is to deal with infertility. And it makes infuriated when people that HAVE NO IDEA, not one single inkling, about what it's like, and then they try to argue about how hard pregnancy and motherhood is... Are you really effing serious? REALLY?!?! Oh, one part of the message was about how horrible postpartum depression is, how it has lead to suicide/homicide.... Yeah, try going through the depression of infertility... the depression from something that may never go away with time... something that can be a terminal condition.
Am I the only one that sees any of this?
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Umm...my question is, why would someone who isn't infertile have any business or care to be hanging around this site? It's pretty much a no brainer by reading the name of the blog that fertiles aren't exactly....welcomed here! I am so glad that you are standing your ground on this. Even within the "support sites" that I am on, random people will get on and ruffle everyones feathers. Like the the title says, "SHUT THE F*(K UP, INFERTILES!"
ReplyDeleteOh if all things could be as easily obvious, right?
ReplyDeleteHow totally inconsiderate and ridiculous. Read the title of the blog and stay away! I love the last thing you said. Infertility is something that may NEVER go away, it can't be compared to other types of problems in life. Because no matter how hard you work at it, want it, throw money at it, there are no guarantees with infertility.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should feel sorry at all! Like everyone else said, this is our site, and the title makes that VERY clear. You'd think any fertile reading this site would think "oh, shit, I've said some of those things" and feel bad about it, but instead they try to make us feel guilty for doing/saying anything to point out the fact that they are insensitive.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't feel bad at all. This is our site and our place to vent about all the stupidity shoved in our faces by the overly fertile people of the world. We need a place that's safe for us and this site is one of the best that I've found.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't feel bad! This is a site for us! The infertile. A place to vent so we don't lash and be mean to the fertile world. Hey by having this site, we are actually protecting them!
ReplyDeleteKind of makes me want to go to a new mommy site and start making fun of them...(like I would ever even read one of those blogs)...thank you for standing your ground and letting all of us enjoy this blog! It brings some sanity to all of us!
ReplyDeleteWhat?? WTF? Why would she even read this site? Unless your taking your laptop to her house and taping her eyes open clockwork orange style.. then she has no reason to be offended and You have no reason to feel bad.
ReplyDeleteI am totally floored by this. If you don't like something then DON'T FUCKING READ IT. It's that simple.
And how fucking dare someone make us feel bad about ranting. As if we don't have enough to worry about, cry and obsess over.. We don't need this shit!
Ranting and bitching and being supported by others who feel the same way is Therapy. It is good and right to Get it Out!
Maybe these people who are offended should try living 1 god damn day in any of our shoes.
This is an infertility blog... many of us came here because we needed a place to vent and to connect with others who understand... those who are moms don't need this blog... there are many others for them.... and if it hurts anyones feelings... maybe they need a little reality check... because this blog... isn't about THEM... keep writing and keep sharing your feelings... we love you and this blog.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support, all of you!
ReplyDeleteI still always anticipate so much negativity, I am always surprised when I don't get any, it's one of the reasons I love this site!!
I will say this, it was so off color of my friend to message me like she did... that just made the whole thing worse!
***Warning, contains long, incoherent rant.***
ReplyDeleteI've actually not been commenting on this thread because I've been so angry I can't find the words to express myself!
Thankfully most of the other wonderful ladies here have managed to do a good job of it.
And no, you should NOT have to feel bad. The other person really should though.
How arrogant - how absolutely arrogant and self-righteous to have your precious little mommy feelings "hurt" by a f*cking specialist site set up to be the one f*cking place on the Internet where IF-ers can vent without having to fake happiness for people for once? If I go to a pregnancy forum and feel sad at all the bumps and sonogram pictures, I NEVER think it's anyone's fault other than my own. Y'know what, OTHER people have different fricking hardships to your particular ones. Why don't you grow the f*ck up and stop thinking that mommy-feelings are the only ones that need to be protected. We don't set out to hurt fertiles here, we're just trying to protect ourselves. Stay the hell away, and STFU.
The name of the site really says it all. I think your "friend" needs to read it again - and really hear it. That STFU applies to your emailing fingers aswell.
First, I need to tell you all that I am the "friend" in question. I came to this blog because I thought, perhaps, it might help me understand what my "friend" is going through. Instead, I left feeling like the worst person in the world, least of all a "friend." I wrote her to tell her that yes my feelings had been hurt by some of the things that were said, and I was reaching out for a better understanding. I was NOT trying to compare motherhood or pregnancy to being infertile, by any stretch of the imagination. I do personally understand depression, which is why I was trying to better understand IF so I could help my "friend." Instead, I may have lost a "friend" I considered family, and it breaks my heart. Obviously, without enduring IF, one will never understand what it's like, and so I have failed my "friend," and for that I apologize sincerely. I thought I could help, and all I did was make it worse. I am sorry if I offended anyone, most of all my "friend."
ReplyDeletewhy did you feel the need to tell her your feelings were hurt? hurt by what? hurt that you are fertile? oh the agony you must feel. The big mistake you made was putting YOUR feelings first, when YOUR feelings have no business here.
ReplyDelete