Wednesday, June 9, 2010

No, you don't understand!

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. And typically, I realize, that your IF struggles are not something you share with the dental hygienist you see only 2x a year. But she got pregnant (while on birth control!) when we first started trying and so I shared that we were trying to have a baby. Every 6 months she'll ask how it's going. And she's always very sweet and encouraging.

But yesterday, ALL she could talk about was her 10-week-old baby, which by the way, was also an "oops!" baby.

She proceeds to tell me how she totally understands.

I wanted to yell at her, "NO YOU DON'T!" Because someone with 2 unplanned (but still wonderful) pregnancies has no clue how it feels to try for over 2 years, have no light at the end of the tunnel and be running out of options.

No, she doesn't understand.


  1. I hate that. I really really hate it. Don't tell me you understand and then do/say something that totally negates your "understanding".

  2. thank you for this post :) You can feel sorry for our IF struggles, but you cannot undetstand unless you have stood in these terrible shoes yourself.

  3. with her knowing that you weren't pregnant yet she shouldn't have even been talking about her own baby---well from one IF to another-- I understand completely:)

  4. You'd think someone out there, at some point, would actually think before they open their mouths! Especially when they know we are trying, or when they are close enough to actually know more of the struggles...

    Amen: They DON'T understand.

  5. I have a similar story. I got braces shortly before my wedding and the hygienist had married the year before. We got along really well and it was like going to visit a friend every few weeks. We'd talk wedding and marriage. And when I had my endo diagnosis we talked about how I'd been trying. Well eventually she got pregnant after trying once (what a surprise) and she didn't tell me until she was about 5 months along. I was accidently told by the secretary (I knew she was pregnant looong before she told me but don't think she knows that). I never asked her if she just didn't tell me because she didn't tell any patients or if she knew it would hurt me so much. I have to say I'm thankful she never said she understands though...because of course she couldn't possibly.

  6. No one who hasn't struggled with infertility can understand. . . so a woman who has achieved two pregnancies with no difficulties (unplanned, no less) should never said that.

    And I agree with the PP who said she shouldn't even have been talking to you about her baby.

    (sigh) I wish people were not so insensitive. I'm sorry you had to go through that.


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