Monday, January 17, 2011

FB Pregnancy Announcement The Aftermath

Hi ladies,
As you read this please bear in mind that I have endured 5 years of TTC heartache including 4 miscarriages, then depression and suicidal thoughts followed later - all caused by my inept ovaries and losing my babies. 
Well I'd like to update you on the latest with my "friend" whose pregnancy news I discovered on Facebook. 
She claims to have tried emailing me to tell me about her BFP  the emails kept bouncing back because she typed the wrong address.  I've had the same email address for years, it is the ONLY one I use to email stuff to her.  But according to her, I had been avoiding her so she just "assumed" that I had received her email and was too upset to reply.  Perhaps a PM on Facebook, or a phone call or a text message asking me if I'm okay wouldn't have gone astray, but as I'm overseas she never initiates contact, it is always ME who has called or texted her.
She claims she has "worked hard to get to where she is in her life" - sorry, but TTCing for 11 months does not constitute hard work, by any LTTTC'ers standards she had it fucking easy!  All she did was go off the pill and pop a few pregnancy vitamins each day, that's hardly what I'd class as having worked hard.
On the one hand, she claims that she was concerned for me.  But now "she's afraid that my bitterness is too much for her to cope with".  Yes, I'm gutted that she's had it so easy falling pregnant when she's done nothing to get her body prepared for a safe, healthy pregnancy.  Whereas, I worked so hard on my fitness to prepare myself and then endured 4 miscarriages.
According to her, I need to "get some perspective and get rid of the chip on my shoulder and get help".  A very low blow considering that she knows exactly how much counselling I have already been through for my fertility issues.
She claims that she has always given "spades of compassion" to me and has despaired for my situation (and I have given the same back to her when she was at her lowest and needed my help).  So where are her spades of compassion now that I am hurting?  
So, my journey through TTC hell has been swept aside and dismissed.  Obviously she has NO comprehension of how badly my miscarriages and failure as a woman have impacted on my self esteem and my emotional state, if all she can say is that I need to "get rid of the chip off my shoulder".  Can she kick me any deeper in the guts?
Ugh :-(
Belinda

12 comments:

  1. Belinda, I am so sorry :( All i can say is, it is in situations like these that one discovers who your real friends are. It seems like this friendship is giving you more heartache than any support. She will never understand what you have been through. Hugs.

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  2. I think you need a (((((Hug))))

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  3. I don't say this very often, but I believe it is time to "kick this friend to the curb." It is time. Anyone who says that kind of stuff to someone who is already hurting is not a friend at all. It is time to cut the ties and not let her hurt you anymore.

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  4. I agree with the above. Many people are willing to be your friends when it's all rainbows and sunshine, but it's the people that stick by you and hold an umbrella over your head as the storm rages that are true friends. I know that doesn't make what she said hurt any less, but perhaps it can help you to put her in her place in your group of friends. I think maybe she is the "chip" on your shoulder that you should get rid of. (((Big Hug)))

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  5. wow! first, huge hugs to you .. and second.. what kind of friend is she??? wow! i agree. you don't need her in your life. i'm sorry that you are having to deal with this on top of weathering 4 miscarriages. hugs.

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  6. I agree with the other comments.

    My Father-in-law told me once that there is a reason some people in your past/present don't make it to your future. You are much to important for people to treat you like this. It may hurt for a while after they are gone. After they are gone you'll be free of the hurt they cause.

    :) Keep your chin up and always remember We Still love you no matter what.

    <3 Infertile in Mesa

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  7. Wow - are you "friends" with the same girl as I am?

    I'm sorry she has dared to say that to you.

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  8. *hugs* *hugs*

    I agree, you don't need this person in your life right now.

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  9. What. A. Bitch.
    I am so sorry. :-( I agree with the one person's father in law. There is a good reason that 'friend' won't make it into your future. You deserve better. MUCH better.
    I hope that things get a million times better for you, you deserve great things. Keep your head up!
    *hugs*

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  10. Almost the same thing happened with my best friend and I about two years ago while I was going through my IVF cycles. I decided to rid my life of negative people, and we haven't spoken since. She has made no effort to contact me. It saddens me, but you will find out who your true friends are during this journey. You don't need this right now...get her out of your life and concentrate on the people who actually care. We are all here for you!!!

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  11. Having already denied this "friend" of yours to post a comment on your original post, I think she is a toxic person. All did was attack your post and you.

    She's bad news... take it to the shredder.

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  12. What a piece of work. Another self-absorbed fertile who is clearly in her own little world. Hate to say this, but I agree with osme of the others. time to cut the cord.

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